Giants get back to their losing ways

When the San Francisco Giants woke up on Monday morning, they had won two consecutive games. Two!

That probably didn’t sit particularly well with you.

After all, the Giants hadn’t won consecutive games since back on June 17 and 18, when you were still in fifth grade. You were uncomfortable with it, even if you secretly enjoyed it.

You thought it was probably time for the Giants to get back to their losing ways, as they’ve grown so accustomed to this year.

Well, they did.

Against the Arizona Diamondbacks — a team the Giants went 19-2 against last year — the Giants did what they do best lately, and lost. They’re 1-3 against the D-Backs this year which, according to the Elias Sports Bureau (and confirmed by ESPN Stats and Information), is worse than 19-2.

In the Giants defense, they tried to win. It’s just that they tried even harder to lose. They tried their hardest in the top of the third inning. Alex Cobb, who’s been a victim of poor luck and poor defense all season, was a victim of his own poor sequencing in the inning. He gave up four walks on the day, one of which occurred in the third. He gave up six hits on the day, four of which occurred in the third. Sprinkle in the team’s lone error transpiring right in the middle of those shenanigans, and it was a three-run inning for the Diamondbacks, all while you pulled strand after strand of your own hair from your scalp.

After that strong and convincing attempt to lose, the Giants spent some time attempting to win. They rallied in the fourth inning, with a Wilmer Flores double (stay hot, my friend) and a Brandon Belt single putting runners at the corners. But then Luis González couldn’t decide whether they should try to win or lose, and split the difference by grounding into a fielder’s choice that scored a run.

Compromise!

In the sixth inning, they tried to win when Belt hit a ball 106 mph and 398 feet, which is a home run in 29 out of 30 ballparks. But they also tried to lose when they decided to play in the one dissenting park, and strand Belt on the basepaths, where he solemnly looked about, questioning his life choices.

Me too, man.

Already losing 3-1, the Giants continued to try and lose in the eighth inning, when Mauricio Llovera jumped ahead of leadoff hitting Jake McCarthy 0-2, only to need eight more pitches before settling on a walk, forgetting about McCarthy and allowing him to steal second, and giving up a run-scoring single.

But they tried again to win in the bottom half of the inning. LaMonte Wade Jr. drew a leadoff walk, which knocked starter Merrill Kelly out of the game.

In came newly-minted All-Star Joe Mantiply, and the Giants made it their mission to remind him that Carlos Rodón should have been in his spot.

Darin Ruf infield singled, and then Flores brought a run home with his second double of the day, albeit a rather fortuitous one.

Austin Slater had an RBI groundout, and then González did the remarkable: he walked.

It was the first walk that Mantiply had issued since his first appearance of the year, and broke a streak of 34 consecutive appearances without a walk allowed ... an MLB record for a left-handed pitcher.

But the Giants weren’t done walking. They’d earned one against Kelly and one against Mantiply, and wanted the hat trick. In came Noe Ramirez, who walked David Villar to load the bases with just one out.

At this point the Giants had had enough of trying to win, and were ready to try and lose again. So Brandon Crawford hit into an inning-ending double play, which got drawn out because the Giants challenged not just the out at first but the out at second as well, only to get that lovely double rejection that we all experience at some point in our lives. It may or may not have happened to me last weekend.

The Giants would put the tying run on base in the ninth inning in the form of a Mike Yastrzemski leadoff single but, because the baseball gods and goddesses are both fun and cruel, they could do no further damage against Mark Melancon, and lost 4-3.

They might be in the 14th inning right now if a pitcher with a sick sense of humor hadn’t designed the park...