Tommy Pham slapped Joc Pederson over fantasy football

I’ve been waiting my entire life to write this headline, or something close to it. I’m angry I didn’t go with something more creative, but sometimes you need to let the stories be the star, and I don’t know how to improve on what happened here.

So here it is. Tommy Pham slapped Joc Pederson over fantasy football.

Tommy Pham slapped Joc Pederson over fantasy football.

Shortly before the scheduled start of the San Francisco Giants series with the Cincinnati Reds, Pederson and Pham were seen in an altercation, which drew out plenty of players from both sides.

Both players were scheduled to play on Friday, but when the game began after a two hour and eight minute rain delay, Pederson was in the Giants’ lineup but Pham was not in the Reds’.

And then came the amazing story, as reported by Andrew Baggarly and C. Trent Rosecrans of The Athletic: Pham and Pederson got into an altercation over a fantasy football league that they were both in, which led to Pham slapping Pederson.

You cannot make this up.

According to the report, the Giants asked the Reds to remove Pham from Friday’s lineup. Shortly after the game began, it was reported that MLB is investigating the matter, and that Pham agreed to not play on account of the investigation.

I try not to laugh at things that are violent or adjacent to violence, but ... I’m sorry, this is just the funniest story I’ve heard in a long time.

Don’t slap people, folks. And if you do slap someone, have it be for a better reason than a fantasy football league in the middle of the NFL offseason.

Or else I’ll write an article about you and laugh at you.