This picture perfectly represents how the Giants played

You knew going into this series that the Los Angeles Dodgers were better than the San Francisco Giants. There is nothing that could possibly have changed your mind.

The Giants could have swept the Dodgers and you wouldn’t have entertained the thought that they were as good.

They could have thrown two no-hitters while scoring 35 runs and you would’ve felt confident asserting that the Dodgers were the superior team.

The Giants could have dug deep into their imagination, paid their entire creative team overtime, and come up with the most elaborately sensational plans for the series, and it would’ve been for naught.

But damn, I sure would have liked to see them try.

Instead, after pooping the bed on Thursday, the Giants opted to keep the soiled sheets on, roll to the other side for Friday, and poop over there.

Great.

If you want visual representation of how the night went, it came when Pablo Sandoval and Chris Taylor took part in baseball’s oldest tradition, the ol’ ass-face high speed collision.

If you’re wondering which player represents the Giants, the answer is yes.

This is an era of baseball that highly values controllable outcomes, which is to say walks, strikeouts, and home runs. That’s not to say they’re the only thing that’s valued, but they’re definitely the things that are most valued.

How much they walk, strikeout, and hit dingers is the first part of how a batter is evaluated.

How much they walk batters, strike out batters, and allow long balls is the first part of how a pitcher is evaluated.

With that in mind, I present to you Friday’s game, in controllable outcome terms.

• The Giants drew 1 walk/the Dodgers issued 1 walk.
• The Dodgers drew 8 walks/the Giants issued 8 walks.
• The Giants struck out 7 times/the Dodgers struck out the Giants 7 times.
• The Dodgers struck out 3 times/the Giants struck out the Dodgers 3 times.
• The Giants hit 1 home run.
• The Dodgers hit 2 home runs.

You probably don’t need me to tell you that the Giants lost. But I’ll tell you anyway: The Giants lost 9-1.

The Giants had exactly one good moment in the game.

I don’t say that hyperbolically. There was literally only one moment in the game that was good. It was quite good though: an opposite-field home run by Jaylin Davis, against a right-handed pitcher.

The Giants (and yours truly) remain high on Davis, but he’s on the old side for a prospect, did not do well in his debut season last year, and didn’t do anything notable in Spring/Summer Training. For a player looking for his first MLB success, getting off to a hot start is huge.

Right now he has the only extra-base hit of the year for the Giants.

On to some quick and depressing notes:

• The Giants used two potential starting pitchers, and they were both bad. They used three relievers, and two of them were bad. Just look at this:

ESPN

• Gabe Kapler said before the season that the Giants had three “buckets” of pitchers, and one of those buckets was guys who could pitch in consecutive games. Rico Garcia appeared for the second straight night, despite the team having 16 pitchers, so you can probably guess what bucket he belongs in.
• The Giants had four errors, and that dramatically undersells how bad they were defensively. This looked like an already bad team that had their Spring Training interrupted for four months before rushing back into action.
• Sam Coonrod was awful and I won’t stop you from feeling totally fine about that.
• The Giants have issued four-pitch walks with the bases loaded in 100% of their games.
• Max Muncy hit two home runs because of course he did.
• Joe McCarthy is 0-8 to start his career, and you can hear the cutout crowd chanting “Connor Joe! Michael Reed!” when he steps in the box.
• The Giants didn’t use a single pinch-hitter or defensive replacement, and that’s going to take some getting used to.
• This game was stupid.