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Hypothetical recap: Giants dismiss losing, and instead opt for really losing

If you’re gonna do something, go all-in, right?

San Francisco Giants v New York Mets Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

With the MLB season suspended due to the coronavirus outbreak, there are no baseball games and limited baseball news. So I’m creating a hypothetical season — complete with news and recaps — until baseball resumes. All news and recaps will have the hypothetical tag, so you can at least know when you’re suspending reality. And you can click “hypothetical season” above the headline to see everything that has happened in this “season.”


Look, I don’t know where this Adrian Houser guy came from, but he seems pretty nice (and not just because he was drafted 69th overall in 2011). And if the 27-year old righty could face the San Francisco Giants every day for the rest of his life he’d enter the Hall of Fame, and wouldn’t that be cool for him and his family.

Instead he and the Milwaukee Brewers will have to face better teams than the Giants on most days, but I’m guessing he’ll still do well. He was quite nice last year in his first extensive run in the big leagues, and he’s been quite nice this year as well.

And on Thursday, he absolutely shut down the Giants. Shut them down as in didn’t allow a run. Went 7.1 innings without allowing a run, and then the bullpen handled business with relative ease afterwords.

He struck out 12. He walked only 1. The Giants had just 5 hits against him, and one of them was an infield single and another was a bloop. Their outs weren’t particularly inspiring, either. They were shut down. However you want to define it, the Giants were shut down.

Now, if you’re new to this whole baseball thing, let me explain to you how it works: You can’t win if you don’t score. And so it follows that the Giants lost.

And did they ever lose. Go big or go home, am I right? It just so happens that the Giants are doing both. So good job! Or something.

On the other side of things, Drew Smyly was not good. Drew Smyly was not good at all, and the Brewers let him know it by hitting a ball here, and hitting a ball there, and hitting a ball over there, and hitting a ball over that thing back there that looks vaguely like a wall.

Ryan Braun hit some balls in some places, and Christian Yelich hit some balls in some places, and Justin Smoak hit some balls in some places, and hell, even Houser hit some balls in some places.

And when Gabe Kapler mercifully took Smyly out of the game, the Brewers kept hitting some balls in some places.

They’re persistent, I’ll give them that much.

When the dust settled, the Giants lost 8-0, fell to 25-31, and hopped on a plane to try and forget things.

Good luck with that.