Welp

You might have noticed that yesterday the Los Angeles Dodgers beat the Tampa Bay Rays to win the 2020 World Series. You probably are feeling slightly despondent as a San Francisco Giants fan, because ... eww, gross.

I agree. I’m sorry, if you came here for comfort, I can provide none. That is not my job. You have a liquor cabinet for that.

What I can do is offer the Dodgers congratulations. They had a truly remarkable 31-year run as not champions.

How impressive is it to be not champions 31 years running? Let me put it into perspective. The Giants — who are currently on a relatively pathetic six-year run as not champions — would have to continue to be not champions until 2045 to match the Dodgers outstanding run.

If the Giants were to accomplish such a remarkable feat, you’d be reading about it on McCovey Chronicles, on your iToilet 12, from the coffee nook on your Tesla Submarine, deep in the waters of the artificial lake outside of your Martian home.

But back to the present: the Dodgers are champions. And they did it in true 2020 fashion. First, they mounted a comeback immediately following the Rays’ head-scratching move to take out Blake Snell, who was thoroughly dominant. Then they pulled third baseman Justin Turner, after finding out he had tested positive for the coronavirus, only to let him back on the field — often maskless — for the celebration.

It was all weird, as the season was. But ultimately the team that was the best all year, and had been elite for the better part of a decade, finally broke through and won a title.

You might find a silver lining in former Giant Dave Roberts getting a ring as a manager. You might find a silver lining in Clayton Kershaw, the best pitcher of this era and long-time admirer and admiree of Madison Bumgarner finally getting to celebrate a championship. You might find a silver lining in knowing that it’s still very unlikely that the Dodgers match the Giants three-in-five achievement.

Either way, the Dodgers are champions.

I don’t like it either, but here we are. Congrats, I guess.