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Put Alex Dickerson in the Home Run Derby, you cowards

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Some may say it’s “too late” but is it ever really too late to save baseball?

MLB: Arizona Diamondbacks at San Francisco Giants Stan Szeto-USA TODAY Sports

The Home Run Derby is tonight, and like Sami said this morning, it doesn’t really hold a lot of interest for Giants fans. No Giants are in it, and no former Giants are in it, and it’s been that way since 2004. The only reason for a Giants fan to watch the Derby is because you, said Giants fan, just enjoy seeing dingers and reminiscing about Chris Berman saying “Back” a bunch of times. Dingers are fun! Dingers being hit by non-Giants players, though, are less fun and less relevant for us.

So it may seem like casual homerism that leads me to propose putting Alex Dickerson in the Home Run Derby, but on the other hand: Dude hits dingers.

In his limited time in the majors this year, he’s hit 4 homers in 73 plate appearances; Matt Chapman, just named as Christian Yelich’s replacement in the Derby, has hit 21 homers in 388 plate appearances. Dickerson is hitting a homer every 18.25 plate appearances, while Chapman is at one homer every 18.48 plate appearances. That means Dickerson is homering more often than the only Derby participant whose numbers I checked, which means he’s plenty deserving of being there.

Furthermore, think of the story. Dickerson’s been out for two years because of injuries, and he worked his way back this year, only for the Padres to give up on him. So he was picked up by the Giants, who play in a park where it is literally impossible for any left-handed hitter to ever hit a home run — LITERALLY — and what’s he doing now? Hitting home runs and sparking the team to victory.

Frankly, Dickerson should also be starting in the All-Star Game, but I’ll save that for tomorrow’s piece: “Start Alex Dickerson in the All-Star Game, you cowards.”

Plus, and this is possibly the most important point, imagine the entire NL All-Star contingent doing the chant. Here, I’ll set the stage for you:

ALEX DICKERSON steps in the box.

WILL SMITH: Dick, dick, dick!

ALEX DICKERSON homers.

CODY BELLINGER: Dick, dick, dick!

ALEX DICKERSON homers.

FREDDIE FREEMAN: Dick, dick, dick!
JOSH BELL: Dick, dick, dick!
LUIS CASTILLO: Dick, dick, dick!

ALEX DICKERSON homers.

WALKER BUEHLER: Dick, dick, dick!
CLAYTON KERSHAW: Dick, dick, dick!
NOLAN ARENADO: You know what? This is so beautiful, I’ll never torment the Giants again.

ALEX DICKERSON homers.

All I’m saying is this: it is inexcusable that Alex Dickerson is not in the Home Run Derby, and it is a clear sign that Major League Baseball is still angry that Barry Bonds was so good at clowning the league for so long. Thank you for your time, and dick, dick, dick.