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The worstest, awfulest, most stinkiest memory of the first half

This season has been the best ever, haha, nothing bad to see here!

Arizona Diamondbacks v San Francisco Giants Photo by Lachlan Cunningham/Getty Images

Earlier today, Bryan held a roundtable where we all talked about our favorite memories from the first half of baseball. It was great! But because I have trouble emotionally bonding with my child, I’m here to undercut his self-worth by blithely disapproving of his life choices.

To put it another way, the Giants have sucked this season, and there is nothing worth remembering from this year, you stupid boy my wonderful son.

With so much terrible play on display, it’s hard to choose a best-of-the-worst moment. But looking through the season, there is one game that stands out for being so awful, so sloppy, so dreadfully painful, it cost Mac Williamson his job. I am, of course, talking about the massacre that occurred on May 24, when the Arizona Diamondbacks fed Lou Seal to the great whites on their way to an 18-2 victory.

This game was like listening to the Enterprise theme song on loop for three-and-a-half hours. It featured just about everything bad: Tim Locastro had more hit by pitches than the Giants had runs. Trevor Gott walked in a run. Four opposing players notched three or more hits; three of those batters were in the top four spots of the lineup. The Diamondbacks hit three three-run home runs (say that quickly three times). One of those home runs came right after Donovan Solano airmailed a throw to second—to second!—reminding everyone why Brandon Crawford is still a valuable player.

And for a rebuilding team that will soon rely on what little trade value it has to boost its meager farm, this game was really a worst-case scenario, as Drew Pomeranz, Trevor Gott, Nick Vincent, and Derek Holland saw their stock plummet. At least Holland had two scoreless innings.

The offensive side wasn’t much better. The Giants managed only two walks to 12 strikeouts, making Robbie Ray, Matt Andriese, and Zack Godley collectively look like Max Scherzer. Williamson completed a hat trick in what would turn out to be his last game in a Giants uniform. Tyler Austin had a two-run homer in the first, giving the Giants a brief burst of hope as well as a 2-1 lead. But then the Diamondbacks pulled a Mountain and splattered our dreams across the floor by scoring 17 more runs while the Giants offense twirled its way to doom.

The special sauce to this smorgasbord of suck, though, is just how unlucky the Giants were. Here is the pitch that Ildemaro Vargas sent to the left-field bleachers to start the scoring:

Pomeranz missed his location—Vogt had set up low and inside—but despite that, it’s not a bad pitch. Most hitters pop that up or swing under it.

And so it would go. Two of the Diamondbacks’ four home runs would come with two outs, accounting for six runs. Overall, the Diamondbacks scored 12 runs—12!—with two outs. Erase those runs, and the Giants would’ve still lost, but at least it would have been a ho-hum 6-2 clunker instead of a disaster on par with the Enterprise series finale.

(Yes, I made two Enterprise references in the same article. That’s how bad this game was.)

But what really sticks the hot needle in the blister is the fact that Godley was credited with a save for his three scoreless innings. Saves are already a silly stat, and nothing makes that more apparent than when a pitcher earns one in a game that his team is under no danger of losing. It’s nice of the Giants to give Godley a little extra leverage during his contract negotiations next year, but this is just ridiculous.

So, there you go. The worst moment of the season. I guess it can only go up from here, right? Please say yes.

Thank you.