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Bruce Bochy and the gifts that keep on giving

“You say potato, I say vodka,” - Karen Walker AND Bruce Bochy, maybe?

MLB: San Francisco Giants at Miami Marlins Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

When you’re one of the most insuperable baseball managers in the history of the sport, you get showered with all sorts of gifts on your informal “goodbye tour” during your final year. This happens to be the case with Bruce Bochy, who just earned his 1,000th win with the San Francisco Giants. While the gifts vary from ballpark to ballpark, there seems to be a leitmotif when it comes to these particular gifts:

Booze. A TON of expensive booze.

We’re talking some top-shelf wonderments that can have you texting your ex from seven years ago after just getting a simple whiff of the stuff.

During the Giants stay in South Beach last week, familiar Giants favorite Sergio Romo added to the sumptuousness of the fine flowing hooch by gifting his former manager a 1942 bottle of Don Julio tequila.

“I went over there before [Tuesday’s] game,” the former Giants reliever told “I went over there and said, ‘What’s up?’ I had a gift for him. I gave him a token of appreciation for the faith and trust that he had in me for all those years. I feel I can count the amount of people who have taken a chance on me in my life on two hands and he’s on that. He’s one of those fingers.”

While in Baltimore, the Orioles gave the skipper two personally engraved bottles of Sagamore Spirit Rye whisky.

Back in April, the Giants bullpen even gifted their manager with a personalized bottle of wine. And what was even BETTER about that bottle? It was a three-liter bottle with his old baseball card on it (when he played for the San Diego Padres). You read that right.

The bottle was even signed by the bullpen.

While booze is always a fun gift, the fact that some clubs are going above and beyond not looking at the price tag and/or getting creative with it is always an extra bonus.

Now, if any of you know me personally, you know my veritable appreciation for fine liquors, but would I be CONSTANTLY showering Bochy’s liver with such heavy delights (that’s a stupid question – of course I would, don’t be silly)? Or would I find a different outlet to express some colorful imagination on these particular gifts that have yet to be given?

Take Dodger Stadium, home of their rivals the Los Angeles Dodgers. Now, if the Dodgers were feeling particularly salty enough, they could gift Bochy with the Steve Finley walk-off grand slam ball from 2004 that clinched the NL West title for the Dodgers (the Giants needed to sweep the Dodgers in order to force a tiebreaker but thanks to Finley, that never happened). Of course, the Giants would be studious guests and offer their own gifts in return:

Participation trophies from Tiffany’s that are all engraved “AT LEAST YOU TRIED, LIL’ BUDDIES” along with a VHS of the last time they won a World Series.

What about Petco Park, home of the Padres? Well, since it’s Petco, what about a hypoallergenic puppy that’s a cross breed of two different weird breeds? Like a Poodle and Akita? Or a Corgi and Pit Bull? We want to see an abundance of cute along with a Bochy expression that screams ‘what on earth is this?’

Okay, there’s a reason I’m not in charge of the gifts, people. Just keep the booze flowing.