It’s that time of year again. The time where “buy-five-in-bulk-at-Costco” cargo shorts line suburban sidewalks unmanned and seemingly untamed. The time where if you accidently blink, six fathers magically appear out of nowhere and ask about the last time you checked the oil in your car. The time where you pause for a moment to reminisce all the times you pretended to be dead when your dad would ask you, for the billion and eighth time, how to download all his music from the computer onto his iPhone.
That’s right. Father’s Day is upon us.
A day where we celebrate the fact that dad is the reason why…
A) We’re alive despite his constant threats of “I brought you into this world, I can blah blah dad speak dad speak”
B) We unwillingly know all the wrong Beatles lyrics
C) We accidentally know who the hell Ian Fleming is
So, the only natural thing to do at this point in time is to rank the six “Most Dad” players on the San Francisco Giants as a tribute to fathers everywhere.
6. Madison Bumgarner
Okay, so he sometimes tells players to go take a long walk off a short pier in order to fetch a baseball out of the ocean and even sometimes has a little too much fun on a dirt bike, which just makes him seem like, oh, I dunno THE MOST FUN STEP DAD EVER.
Madison Bumgarner has a fun, charismatic step-dad mentality which probably makes him a hoot in the clubhouse to all the veteran players, but he most likely comes off as “oh crap did my mom just marry a more intense Dennis Leary?” to all the young players.
5. Joe Panik
Oh, Joe – you have that eternal, adolescent glow of a young buckaroo. Panik is most likely like the younger guy your mother remarried who attempts to relate to you in every way possible in order to earn your respect.
He really seems like the type to buddy up to one of the younger players in the clubhouse after they had a bad outing and give them a rousing — if not slightly cliché — pep talk.
4. Pablo Sandoval
If you follow his Instagram, you’ll know that Pablo Sandoval is a panda of a father to his young children and he adores the utter crud out of them. But how would he rank in the Giants clubhouse setting? He really seems like the kind of dad who would toss you in the pool in order to teach you how to swim, but then dive into the pool all panicky after about six seconds to make sure you’re okay. I’m betting he does that to rookies too.
3. Brandon Belt
Brandon Belt has been through it ALL since his MLB debut back in 2011. He knows what it’s like to be controversial, to be under-estimated, to be concussed, to be just one of the thousands in the clubhouse to say “huh?” when someone says the name Brandon. He seems like the type all the rookies go to when they need advice – specially when it comes to anxiously waiting to get off the IL.
2. Buster Posey
Everyone knows that Buster Posey is not only the soul of the Giants, but he’s also the one with the biggest heart (okay, so they all have some pretty hefty hearts, but Buster’s aureole can be seen from the International Space Station). He and his wife Kristen often spend their days off visiting children’s hospitals in order to cheer up kids suffering from illnesses. He’s no doubt one of the most loving “dad” guys in the clubhouse who people feel they can open up to without ridicule.
1. Brandon Crawford
We’re gonna say, this was a tough one. While both Buster and Brandon Crawford are amazing fathers, we decided that Brandon should win the honor of the “Most Dad” like in the Giants clubhouse because, well, he not only has four children of his own, but he also is the loving uncle to like, a butt load of young nieces and nephews. You can see on his Instagram as well as his wife Jalynne’s Instagram all the time Mr. Perfect Hair spends with his family – especially the little ones.
We can only imagine that sometimes being the leader in a clubhouse is a lot like herding feral cats, especially if some of the younger teammates are purely stubborn for the sake of being stubborn. So it should be a breeze for Brandon, who can be seen with no less than four kids hanging off his shoe during his downtime, to come in and take charge like a damn good father.