Spring Training is mostly here as pitchers and catchers officially report today. Of course, most of the Giants arrived yesterday to begin their workouts and speak to the media, but today is that first day on the calendar that says, “Yeah! Baseball is here!” There won’t be much actual baseball for another week or so, but let’s not be picky here in February.
It’s Valentine’s Day and a lot of the Giants’ best players have already assembled to prepare for the new season. While we can argue about the merits of Valentine’s Day, let’s all agree that a lot of life is “arbitrary” and “made up”. That doesn’t diminish every single thing we assign personal or cultural value to, so let’s take the time to show the Giants some love.
Here are some Valentine’s Day gifts to the Giants already in Arizona:
A Poem for Buster
The poetic form has survived all of written human history, and for good reason: the sick rhymes. While a sonnet might be preferable when the subject is Buster Posey, a poem in this case can better reflect the sultry connotations of Buster’s Spring Training confession:
Does Buster.........think that "gluteus maximus" is a swear pic.twitter.com/0hZdN3KpFO— Evan Aczon (@TwoSeamGripe) February 14, 2019
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Nick Hundley’s an A,
And your butt looks brand new
A Colorful Card for Reyes Moronta
Reyes Moronta should get more attention. Here’s a hastily made card for him.
A Bouquet for Madison
On the surface, Madison Bumgarner might seem too country for soft expressions of affection. Still, I think there’s one gift that could be delivered to him this Valentine’s Day that would tickle his twang: a bouquet, but not just any bouquet.
A bouquet of axes.
And look! A plush bunny and snake to complete the set. In case you don’t remember, Bumgarner once famously chopped open a snake to find a bunny that was still alive.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Madison Bumgarner!
A Candy Heart Message for Mark
Actually, here are six candy hearts I’m sending out to the Giants’ ersatz closer.
Still, here I am playing checkers when there are websites out there playing Adobe After Effects...
Happy Valentine’s Day, Bryce ❤️ pic.twitter.com/KO7v3gDdYZ— NBCSAuthentic (@NBCSAuthentic) February 14, 2019
What would you send to your favorite pitchers and catchers?