clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Tuesday BP, 9/24/18

New, 356 comments

Let’s do what keyboard heroes do and be insufferable sports jerks.

Best Buy Expands Geek Squad To Office Depot Photo by Tim Boyle/Getty Images

The Giants just “reassigned” their GM Bobby Evans. Here’s an official statement:


The San Francisco Giants Announce that Bobby Evans will not return as General Manager

San Francisco, CA — The San Francisco Giants today announced that Senior Vice President and General Manager Bobby Evans will step down from his general manager duties effective immediately. Evans will be reassigned with responsibilities to be determined.

“I want to thank Bobby for his tireless work on behalf of the Giants. He played an important role in our team’s success throughout his tenure, which includes three World Series championships, four NL pennants and eight playoff appearances,” said Giants President and CEO Laurence M. Baer. “We look forward to new leadership to continue our historic record of success.”

The Giants will immediately begin a search for its next head of baseball operations.

“I take great pride in the longstanding continuity of our baseball department. I want to express my thanks to Bobby for all he has given to the Giants over the past 25 years and for his countless contributions,” said Giants Executive Vice President of Baseball Operations Brian Sabean. “I’ll be working closely with Larry as the organization finds its next leader of baseball operations.”


First, I didn’t know that press releases are written in APA style. Second, I really don’t like APA style. Give me my single space after a period. Give me an oxford comma.

With those quibbles out of the way, let’s get on with it. What is this statement really saying?

Evans will be reassigned with responsibilities to be determined.

“We’re going to let the new GM decide his fate.”

“I want to thank Bobby for his tireless work on behalf of the Giants. He played an important role in our team’s success throughout his tenure, which includes three World Series championships, four NL pennants and eight playoff appearances,”

“It was his idea to spread out the unwarranted signing bonus I wanted to give Mark Melancon and he did a nice job of obfuscating the no-trade clause that didn’t need to be in there, too.”

“We look forward to new leadership to continue our historic record of success.”

“I mean management because I’m the leader and I need someone who can properly execute my sole command: ‘I want a team that’s 90% familiar, but 10% different and manages to win 55% of its games every single year.’”

The Giants will immediately begin a search for its next head of baseball operations.

You know, an anagram of “baseball operations” is “balboa personalties”, which is almost “balboa personalities”, which would be head of Rocky Balboa personalities, which in baseball would mean a group of earnest lovers who are reluctant fighters but have the will to compete even when the odds are wholly against them.

“I take great pride in the longstanding continuity of our baseball department.

“No team has fought against industry trends more than we have.”

I want to express my thanks to Bobby for all he has given to the Giants over the past 25 years and for his countless contributions,” said Giants Executive Vice President of Baseball Operations Brian Sabean.

“He taught me how to check my email on my phone.”

“I’ll be working closely with Larry as the organization finds its next leader of baseball operations.”

My guess is that Sabean and Baer will do tag-team interviews on each candidate and after the candidate leaves, Sabean will give his opinion over dinner: (in between slorping down an oyster) “they talked about walks too much. Walks aren’t hits. Can’t score if you can’t hit. Simple as that.”


We don’t know what the GM search will yield, but I promise you, we’ll have funnier and better material than this post as a part of our coverage.