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The Johnny Cueto Hat is coming soon

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Better start converting your Bit Coin or setting up that GoFundMe page if you want to buy one.

MLB: Chicago Cubs at San Francisco Giants
This has nothing to do with the story, but my god, it’s beautiful.
Stan Szeto-USA TODAY Sports

Describing Johnny Cueto is like describing what joy feels like. It’s just easier to say that Johnny Cueto is joy. If watching him shimmy shake before pitches and intentionally clogging up the base paths during a home run doesn’t charm you, then I think you’ll still appreciate his general sense of whimsy.

If you didn’t know, Johnny Cueto made a hat of himself wearing a hat ... of himself wearing... a hat of himself and... well, here it is

If you guys like these you may be real happy soon

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Look, today might as well be McCovey Chronicles Haturday, because I can’t not talk about this damn hat. It’s beautiful. It’s wonderful. It’s perfect. And it’s not the only one he made.

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Los nuevo del mercado

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That’s the good news. The even better news is that he’s made a lot more of them. A lot more...

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And we’re going to be the beneficiaries. I don’t wear hats, but I just might wear this one. Maybe it won’t grant me any special Cueto powers, but I’d sure like to walk around with Johnny Cueto-level confidence.

I’m fairly certain the Giants will be the ones distributing these lids, only because I think they struggle to find non-pun promotions for their players and, generally, seem to jump on those things that fall right into their lap versus forging their own gimmicks.

It’s probably easier for Cueto to cut them in, too, since they can handle distribution and marketing. Selling these at the dugout stores won’t cover the remaining cost of his contract, of course, but it’ll be good marketing for him and the team all the same.

Of course, it would be incredible if Cueto just sold these out of the back of a van or something, or you could only get them if you lived close to his stables. Or better yet, he did something like send them out worldwide to random people or people he thought simply deserved one. An act of whimsy. Okay, yeah no, he’s gonna sell these suckers for $40 a pop.

Thing is, he and the Giants need to tag these with a specific name. The Johnny Cueto Hat doesn’t feel right. It even feels a little disrespectful. It needs a name to match its charm. Who the hell knows what the Giants’ marketing department will come up with. In the meantime, here’s what I came up with on this Haturday afternoon:

The Infinite Johnny Cueto Hat

Johnny Cueto Infinity Hat

Infinity Cueto

The Johnny Cueto Wears a Johnny Cueto Hat Hat

The Johnny Cueto Cueto Hat

The Johnny Cueto Forever Hat

Sombrero de Infinito

Sombrero Siempre

Forever Cueto

Gorra de Cueto

Cap de Cueto

What do you think they’ll go with? And will you, like me, start saving now to buy the whole set?