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The Best Of Brandon Belt Blogs

Excerpts that really capture the spirit and soul of Brandon Belt

MLB: San Francisco Giants at Colorado Rockies Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

“McDeep Dive” is our new series that spotlights one Giants player every day for a week. We’ll move backwards and forwards through time, look at on the field stuff, off the field stuff, and see if we can learn something new about them. Here’s part 3 of our look at Brandon Belt.

You guys read the Brandon and Brandon blog, right? If not, what are you even doing with your life? Both Brandon Crawford and Brandon Belt have been writing regularly in the blog for years now and it’s chock fill of great content.

Since you may not have the time to read through all the blogs, I’ve combed through and found some great little vignettes that best exemplify the goofiness of Brandon Belt.


Movie Reviews

He used to do them a lot more but I guess with a kid and everything, it’s harder to get to the theater. In any case, he’s had a lot of great reviews in the archive and I’ve dug up some great ones:

Bad Moms: “It was pretty crude at times. They basically had these moms talking like you’d expect from a group of guys. One of the actresses — I can’t remember her name but she’s in Stepbrothers, a red-headed woman, Catherine something — she was absolutely hilarious. I laughed my butt off pretty much the entire movie.”

(Author’s note: It is so Belt to not bother to research the name of the actress and just refer to her as Catherine something)

Sausage Party: “I was kind of excited to see it, but it was brutal. As in terrible. Awful. But all they did was make a bunch of cartoon food cuss a lot. Rating: F. This might be my first F, though I might have given The Jungle Book an F, I can’t remember.”

(Author’s note: I love that the two F’s his ever given are Jungle Book and Sausage Party, which couldn’t be more different from one another. Also, he defines giving an F as “walking out of the movie” so keep that in mind for his grading system)

Kong: Skull Island: “I enjoyed it. If someone asked me if they should go see it, I’d say yes. I didn’t see any of the other King Kongs, so I can’t compare it.”

The Belko Experiment: “The actor who plays the president on Scandal is in it. (I don’t watch Scandal but my wife does. Actually I sat down and watched it once and I kind of liked it. But I don’t like Kerry Washington. Let me tell you who else I don’t like. Paul Giamatti. I think he so overdoes it. Grade: C-. Don’t go.”


Greyson

I love the way Belt talks about his son because for sure he loves him, but he also kinda talks about him like he’s a puppy or an alien. If you’ve seen Greyson around the ballpark, you’ll know the kid is full of spunk and personality, so none of this stuff surprises me.

“He’s two years old now and kind of a little turd-head sometimes. But his personality is so great. He’s the best, man. He walks around and tries to look goofy, like pulling the back of his shirt on top of his head like a hood and walking around like a Minion. We spent so much time together that now it’s not just mommy, mommy, mommy. He wants to come to me. Nothing better.”

On Greyson and movies: “He loves Pinocchio. He loves Aladdin. I’m showing him movies I grew up on. He likes the old-timey movies. I’m glad because I don’t want to have to watch Frozen.”

On Greyson and baseball: “The other day I thought I ruined baseball for my two-year-old son forever. Greyson wanted to pitch the wiffle ball to me in the back yard and watch me hit it. He threw one of the balls way outside, so I just swatted at it — and it smoked him right in the leg. Hard. It’s a plastic ball, but you could just hear the smack. He immediately just started screaming and holding his leg. I felt terrible. I hugged on him and told him I was so sorry. I was like, “This kid is never going to want to play baseball again.’’ Ten minutes later he wanted to go back out and play. That’s my kid.”

On Jerry the Giraffe, a stuffed animal Greyson has: “Jerry goes with him everywhere. Jerry sleeps with him. Jerry’s been chewed up by the dog. Dragged through dirt. Soaked with spilled milk. It’s missing an eye. The stuffing’s come out and had to be sewn back in. It’s been washed plenty of times but still just looks nasty.

We have two backup Jerrys because we lost one when he was younger and Greyson didn’t take it that well. Recently we left Jerry at the ballpark and gave him one of the backups at bedtime, and he didn’t want any part of it. For Greyson, it’s the real Jerry or nothing at all. I admire his loyalty.”


Baseball

Despite the silliness that Brandon puts out there, he is actually pretty smart when it comes to baseball and clearly puts in a lot of time and effort into the game.

On working extra hard in the off-season: “Overall, I pushed myself in ways I hadn’t done before, and I’m a better athlete now than I was when the season ended last year. For one thing, my sprints are faster. I want to steal more bases this year. I know that’s kind of crazy because I stole zero last year. (The first series of the season last year I kind of went nuts and got thrown out three times in three attempts. And the coaches were like, “Hey, you need to calm down on the base-stealing.’’)”

On pressing during the season: “But for me it’s also about staying relaxed, which is super important when you’re struggling and feel yourself starting to press. Craw and I always have fun playing catch together. Watch us some time if you’re out at the game. We’re always laughing, trying to trick each other into dropping the ball. It just lightens the mood.”

On his defense: “Over the years in the dugout, Wotus and I would look at other really good first-basemen, like Adrian Gonzales or Paul Goldschmidt, and watch how far they played off the bag, especially against a right-handed pull hitter. He’d tell me, “If those guys can do it, you can do it as well.’’ I’ve gotten tons of info and encouragement, too, from J.T.Snow and Will Clark when they’re around.

So I worked and continue working. I still put just as much time and effort into my defense as my hitting.”


Miscellaneous

There are a couple of musings that don’t fit into the above categories so here are a couple of random stories from Brandon:

On his appendix: “Something definitely wasn’t right. I played an inning and a half, and the doctor sent me to the hospital for a CT scan. The drive there was not fun. I never realized just how many potholes there are in San Francisco.

I went into surgery around midnight and woke up around 4 a.m. I thought it would be a good idea to tweet out a photo of me in a gurney ready for surgery. Haylee had taken it earlier in the evening. In my defense, I was feeling really, really good from all the meds and wanted company. Haylee was zonked out in a chair next to me and it seemed like no one else the whole hospital was awake. So I tweeted out the photo, looking for some love from the Twitter folks. Thank you, Twitter people! You kept me company.”

On his 21-pitch at-bat: “I had the grindiest (is that a word?) at-bat of my life last week in Anaheim. I’d always complained about other batters fouling off one pitch after another. Like “Geez, just put the ball in play! It’s not that hard!’’ Then I find myself up there for 13 minutes, fouling off 16 pitches, getting the pitcher to throw 21 in all. It turned out to be a Major League record. I think for sure there should be plaque in Cooperstown.”

On why he’s into cars: “Maybe it’s just the idea that there’s so much power, and you control it. Maybe it’s a subconscious thing, I don’t know. The sound of it. The steering. How connected you feel to the road. It’s a ton of different things. It’s not just being in a sweet car and going fast. It’s about experiencing a level of excitement you can’t find anywhere else. I’m not going to do anything illegal, but if there’s nobody around and I’m in safe place, I might step on the gas a little bit.”


I encourage you guys to check out the whole blogs - they really are funny. And hey, you may actually learn something. #TheMoreYouKnow