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Hey, you ever notice how Joc Pederson likes to clutch his D & Bs during his A-Bs?

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It’s the open secret nobody in the industry will talk about, but we’re gonna tear the lid off this sucker just because.

MLB: Spring Training-Los Angeles Dodgers at Chicago White Sox
::clears throat::
Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports

A lot has happened since the Giants last played the Dodgers, but one thing that stayed with me was Joc Pederson’s propensity for clutching his junk while he stands into the batter’s box. As a steward of the rivalry, I must mock this behavior. Here’s what I’m talking about:

This isn’t about decorum or prudishness, either. It looks ridiculous because the crotch grab comes right after Joc sings to his bat.

If it’s not clear that he’s shaking his shoulders like he’s singing in the shower, here it is again:

My song guesses are Toto’s “Rosanna”, Dylan’s “Like A Rolling Stone”, “Zou Bisou Bisou”.

After the last hummed “Rosanna”, he gets down to business: Self. Grat. If. I. Cation.

Put it all together and this is what you get: SHIMMY-SHIMMY-SING-SING

CLUTCH-CRADLE-LEEEEEAN-BACK

Pederson’s been doing his thing for a while, of course. It’s the defining part of his stance. It’s stayed with him through the various iterations of his swing as he’s adjusted to major league pitching, which makes sense because it’s attached to him.

Tom Verducci calls Joc a “curious case” ... a younger hitter “trying to find a base”... “he’s always searching for something to be a foundation.”

He found it, Tom.

Of course, no batting stance callout can happen without making reference to Aaron Rowand. If he’s lucky, his batting stance will be the only thing about him that Giants fans will remember 20 years from now.

Some of you might be asking, “What’s the big deal? Why comment on something so inconsequential? What’s your problem?” which are all great questions. We tend to let a lot of things slide when it comes to baseball players. Things like spitting, snot rockets, spitting, gunts, transitioning to country music artists, and chewing tobacco which leads to more spitting are all accepted as part of this beautiful game.

Of course, none of that is beautiful. The beauty is in the idea of the game itself. In the meantime, we try to dress it up with straight lines, immaculate lawns and infield dirt, bunting (the decorative flags, not the play), and organ music, but ultimately, we’re watching a bunch of messy pigs scramble around a field. So when I see something that strays beyond even the loose fencing we’ve erected to surround the mess, I’m compelled to point it out.

Doug Latta, the private hitting instructor who fixed Justin Turner and Mac Williamson’s swings, works by Dodger Stadium. I’m wondering if Joc went to him for help one day and as soon as he suggested he lower his hands, Joc said, “Way ahead of you, brah” and left.

Joc Pederson’s batting stance looks like how a college sophomore on Spring Break does when he and his buddies are standing around the hotel lobby trying to figure out the logistics for the night. He’s drunkenly whatevering the plan and nobody’s sure he’s actually paying attention. And he can’t make it through a single sentence without stopping to burp.

Also, since June 1st, he’s hit 7 home runs in 30 plate appearances and is slugging 1.300 on a .300 BAbip with a Win Probability Added of .702. He hit zero home runs in May and slugged just .324. He’s stopped dicking around and that might be a big problem for the Giants this weekend.