Have I sufficiently disturbed you with this very large picture of Dinger that you will have to stare at for the rest of the day? Good!
Right, so the Giants are in Colorado for one more game and there is nothing, nothing good about the Giants playing in Colorado, ever.
Don’t believe me? Listen to Grant:
Whoops, that one was actually at AT&T Park. Hold on.
There’s this poetic ode:
The first thing to remember about Coors Field is that it’s a portal to hell.
Start with the thin air, the limited supply of the very oxygen molecules that keep us all alive. They grow scarcer and scarcer as you climb and climb into the stratosphere, with the temperature dropping until you run out of air and burn to death. After the burning, there is a limitless void. This is because Coors Field is a portal to hell.
Move to the soulless imp behind home plate, a foam demon wordlessly watching you scream in terror. When it’s finished, you’re reborn again and find yourself at the same place, where the same things happen, over and over, as he cheers your demise. It would seem that’s the actual hell, but he’s just a pawn, a gatekeeper. Things go much worse for you beyond the portal. Things just get started when you’re close to it.
I don’t believe in the actual hell. But I believe in Coors Field. And I hate it.
Then there was the time he created a mad lib about it, unfortunately that one isn’t coming up in the Google search but I think you can imagine the gist of it. Coors Field is the baseball hellmouth.
Coors Field giveth: two home runs to Evan Longoria, a home run to Buster Posey and an RBI double to Dereck Rodriguez. And Coors Field taketh: both Jeff Samardzija and Dereck Rodriguez left the game early due to injury.
I mean, I guess the injuries weren’t really Coors Field’s fault, but the 11 runs the Rockies scored probably were. I don’t know, I fell asleep around the time the Giants failed to score Mac Williamson and Brandon Belt in the sixth inning. But it stands to reason.
Anyway, Dereck Rodriguez is here and is hopefully not too injured. Carmen will be posting an interview with him later today. In the meantime, my favorite tweets of the night: