The Giants can’t compete with the White Sox juggernaut

This recap is hours late, and I’m sure you don’t care. You stumbled here because you were looking for recipes for sautéed scallops, and I included the term “sautéed scallops” in the first paragraph, boosting its search ranking. Because I’m not a monster, my recipe goes something like this:

• sauteé some diced onions
• when they’re brown and translucent, dump some garlic in there
• no, you idiot, more garlic
• add some white wine and let it cook off
• cook the scallops, but don’t overcook them
• serve it over rice or pasta or something

Now this recap has served a purpose, whereas it did not before. There was a family function today, and rather than ask some poor person who has helped me out too much already and deserves to have a Sunday, I decided that I’m contractually obligated only to be as good at my job as the Giants are are theirs. So here we are, hours late and without direction. I’m okay with this decision.

The worst part about the whole day is that I was recording the game, and I’m big on not knowing the score before I watch. I’m one of those weirdos. And yet the temptation was there, with my phone beating like The Tell-Tale Heart, just waiting to give me an update on the score that I cared about the most. It was right there, just waiting for me to push a button and learn exactly which team was winning in the game that mattered most in my heart.

At about 4 o’clock, I snapped. I had to know the score. So I loaded up the At-Bat app, cursed myself for being so weak, and ... yessssssssss. Good work, Rockies. I also managed to scroll past the Giants score without seeing it, so it was one of my best baseball moments of the weekend, really.

The Giants game wasn’t an immediate disaster. For a moment, everything was super. This home run gave them the lead, and it was legitimately one of the funniest moments of 2017:

I’m an absolute sucker for moments like that. It made you feel like the Giants weren’t completely immune to joy, mirth, and/or frivolity.

Later in the game, Duane Kuiper suggested that Madison Bumgarner was looking for a ground ball double play to get out of the inning. There was a double down the right-field line instead. It made you feel like the GIants were completely immune to joy, mirth, and frivolity.

Consider that Jose Abreu had more total bases on Saturday and Sunday than the Giants did. That’s a phenomenal stat, simply stunning. Then consider that Tim Anderson, who makes Pablo Sandoval look as patient as Joey Votto, kept getting pitches to hit. His OBP for the season is so bad, he could be a Giants hitter. He can be pitched to. And yet the Giants could not pitch to him. It’s so on-brand for this team. They can’t even take advantage of the other team’s weak spots.

The Giants had an unexpected weak spot when Madison Bumgarner kept leaving cutters over the plate. He hasn’t done that a lot in the past. He won’t do it a lot in the future. He did it on Sunday. Just imagine how annoyed you would be if the Giants were tied for the division lead! As is, shrug and wait for the next Bumgarner start, which should be more fun.

The 2017 Giants: If you wait an undetermined period of time, this should all be more fun!

Yeah. Here’s the discouraging part about the Giants losing to the White Sox, their brethren in the fraternity of lousy teams: The White Sox are already pointing in a different direction. They threw one of their best young pitchers against the Giants on Friday, and they featured another one on Sunday. They have the spoils of their fire sale littered all over the roster. They’re showcasing Yoan Moncada, and even if he’s struggled as a major leaguer, he has to be exciting to watch.

The Giants are telling you, no, this team is really good. You’ll see.

They don’t have a choice, of course. Even if the Giants wanted to trade Bumgarner for a Sale-like package, there isn’t an Adam Eaton or a silly, strikeout-drunk bullpen to deal away behind him. A complete and total fire sale of the 2017 Giants would bring back way less than anyone would want. And so the Giants must try again. They’re not pushing the boulder up the hill so much as they’re trying to get it off their foot. Looks like a compound fracture from here, but idk.

No, the Giants are bad and kind of old, and there aren’t a lot of hopes that they can be kind of bad and young in the future, so they aren’t going to be the White Sox. They can only be the Giants. And that sticks out in a game where the best pitcher on the team got shelled, and the collected lineup couldn’t scratch out more than a single run. Bonus points for the run coming off the bat of a player who can’t possibly be a starter next year if the Giants really are reloading.

The Giants are a game-and-a-half ahead of the White Sox for the second-overall pick next June, though. They’re just a game “behind” the Phillies for the first-overall pick. And that’s your job after a game like this, to repeat these simple words:

The last time the Giants were this bad, they got Will Clark because of it.

The last time the Giants were this bad, they got Will Clark because of it.

The last time the Giants were this bad, they got Will Clark because of it.

That doesn’t mean they’re easy to watch now. But at least they have a chance to fail in the best possible way. Over and over again.