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Giants fall to Cubs, 5-3

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The 2017 Giants surely are the thing that should not be, and they lost again.

MLB: Chicago Cubs at San Francisco Giants John Hefti-USA TODAY Sports

It was 10 months ago when the Cubs came into AT&T Park, and the Giants made us believe that they could beat them in a best-of-five series. It wasn’t just the 2016 Giants that made us think that. It was the 2010 team, the 2012 team, and 2014 team. The even-year Giants were a myth until Conor Gillaspie awakened the giants beneath the earth from their two-year slumber, and they were going to rise again and ...

The Cubs were better then. They’re better now. If the Giants win a game in this series, that’ll be sweet. If they win two, baseball is funny like that. But none of it will change in a game like this, which helps prove that the Cubs are better at baseballing than the Giants. The Cubs did their best to screw up here and there, don’t get me wrong. But it was still the kind of game where it was pretty clear which team has a chance to make the postseason.

And I can’t stress this enough: You have to start looking at different events out of context to feel even halfway decent about yourself and your choice of hobbies. If you watch Giants games because you want the endorphins of a win, friend, we need to have a chat about your priorities. You need to watch the Giants because you’re a cratedigger. You’re going to flip through 2,000 Andy Williams and Herb Alpert albums at a garage sale looking for that one Ahmad Jamal.

The analogy holds when you realize that absolutely no one cares about the gem you’ve unearthed. Just the nerds who are like you. Which is why this site exits. So thank you for existing.

This game had an abundance of halfway decent albums that would go for $5 on Discogs. Consider:

Carlos Moncrief didn’t exactly throw a runner out. But he made two of the greatest throws I’ve seen a Giants outfielder make since ... look I’m drawing a blank. I went back 20 years, which is as far as I can reasonably go without relying on other people’s accounts, and I’ve got nothing. Francoeur? Juan Perez? Nate Schierholtz? It’s a small sample, but Moncrief was doing some Puig nonsense out there. And I approve Puig nonsense when it’s on my team.

Sure, he misplayed the ball in the first place, but I can understand an outfielder not knowing where all the nooks and crannies of AT&T Park are just yet. All that I cared about was the throw. And then he made another one on the threat of a tag-up that lit the crowd up. I am in. I am so in.

Moncriefing Death

Ha ha, okay, good Metallica reference. Don’t make that a thing throughout this recap.

Ryder Jones hit his first major league home run. Oh, that’s a clean copy of a ‘70s Dylan album — not one of the ones that are supposed to be a classic, but maybe it’s one that can grow on you, like Slow Train Coming. Heck, it might even be a Planet Waves. That’s a good thing. It hints that Jones doesn’t have to be a Hall of Famer or even an All-Star to be remembered fondly.

Ryder the Lightning

I’m tired. It’s been a long day. Please.

Jarrett Parker had two doubles, and his OPS is approaching .900 on the season. We’re still in small-sample land right now, but it was just a week ago that he felt like a forgotten experiment, an old high-school haircut from years ago. I’m not saying he’s the future, but he certainly doesn’t look helpless out there.

... And Jarrett for All

Come on. Please. I just want to log off and play old video games until I forget that it’s 2017.

Brandon Crawford made a nice snag and throw to home when the game was still in doubt. I’m always, always, always up for a sweet Crawford play. They’re why you watch baseball.

The Shortstop Craw

i swear to everything i hold dear that i am not in the mood

These are the nuggets you have to unearth yourself. Because the real story of the game is that Matt Moore isn’t very good right now. I’ve seen nothing that would indicate that he’s irredeemably damaged. Except for one hint. The fact that he’s consistently bad, start after start after start. That’s probably not a good sign.

Matt Moore of Puppets

About to freak out. That’s the worst one yet, especially when this is the franchise that can give you a LeMaster of Puppets pun.

Matt Moore Sure Can’t Pitch Well These Days, I’m Sorry To Report, Inc.

Okay, that is the worst one, but I appreciate the message, at least. It’s topical. Moore sure isn’t very good, and that part up there about the nuggets and the crate-digging is fun, except all I want is for Matt Moore to look like the pitcher he looked like in the second half of last season. I’m not even looking for the latent ace the Giants secretly hoped they were getting. Just give me the guy who’s okay and competent enough to stymie the Cubs in a postseason game, not a Jonathan Sanchez-themed mess.

The 2017 season already has enough metaphors, but allow me one more: The wild pitch from Moore. He didn’t bother covering at home, and it led to a run. It was the perfect mix of competence (to get the strikeout in the first place), incompetence (wild pitch), and absolute buffoonery (cover the danged plate) that made you laugh so you didn’t cry.

Fight Fire With Garden Snails

Ah, yes, the story of the 2017 Giants. Well, they lost again. They might win again, and they might even go on an extended winning streak. It’s just not likely. And in the place of winning streaks, you’ll have to dig a little. Did you see that Carlos Moncrief throw?

It was a fun throw, even if it didn’t work.