See, that’s the thing about baseball. Even when you don’t care, in a meaningless season that has sapped your will to care about the sport, a meaningless home run in a meaningless game can make you unfathomably mad.
Brandon Crawford hit a home run in a dumb game that should have turned a 5-1 deficit into a 5-3 deficit. The Giants would have lost anyway. They were going to lose the second the Cardinals hit a two-run home run, which is something the Giants can’t do.
Well, actually, Crawford should have been awarded a
NO. It has been decreed by someone more powerful than you can possibly imagine. The Giants are incapable of hitting a two-run homer. If you look it up and find something different, you have a virus, and you shouldn’t even be emailing me. So Brandon Crawford’s two-run homer wouldn’t have mattered, by definition.
Back up, though. There’ s a chance that someone reading doesn’t know what happened. It went like this:
- Brandon Crawford hit a home run
- Umpires gathered to watch the video, which clearly showed him hitting a home run
- Someone who is bad at his or her job decided that Brandon Crawford hit a double
The ball would have hit the foul pole, if we’re being accurate. If it didn’t hit the pole, it would have hit the tippy top of the green tin roof, which is a home run.
But, really, how can you expect the umpires in New York to know that?
It’s impossible to know everything about every park. You would need some sort of supercomputer to keep track of that stuff.
It was the worst replay call I’ve ever seen. An obvious, unambiguous decision ruined by ignorance and the pressure of a ticking clock.
At the same time, nobody cares, I don’t care, you shouldn’t care, this was a dumb game. It was a dumb game in a dumb sport. Why are we even here?
Because you hate yourself. That, or you can’t let go of the good times.
We really did have some good times, right?
Anyway, my only hope is that this is a kick in the beans to Major League Baseball, who can identify what went wrong and fix it before the postseason. Did the person in charge of replay review not bother to read the ground rules? Did he or she not have access to the ground rules? Was a camera feed broken? What, what, WHAT?
And when it’s fixed, it will be in place for everything to work perfectly when the Dodgers need a call upheld or overturned in Game 7 of the World Series. This play, this meaningless play, will be completely meaningful because of the procedures that were put in place. This is absolutely what will happen.
Matt Cain was fine on short notice! I appreciate that. There was a split-second when Randal Grichuk was up, and they were flashing his slash line on the screen, and it went something like this:
And I thought, “How does someone have so much power with such a low on-base percenOH MY GOD NO” right before Cain threw his pitch. It’s because he can hit the hangers. He can’t touch the pitchers who don’t throw the hangers or the mistakes up in the zone. But he can feast on the kinds of pitchers he would never see in the postseason.
Then Cain threw him a hanger.
Still, considering that Madison Bumgarner was a last-second scratch, Cain was fine. Better than fine. He deserved better.
Man, I’m writing that last sentence a lot. Look, the Giants can’t score, and it doesn’t matter if they can score, because the umpires will just take those runs from the evidence locker and smoke them at a RAGING umpire party. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.
The best OPS in the Giants’ lineup tonight:
- Buster Posey, .867
- Joe Panik, .735
- Denard Span, .727
Nothing matters. The second-best hitter in the Giants’ lineup was the 117th-best hitter in baseball, according to OPS. The third-best hitter was the 124th-best hitter.
The best hitter was the 38th-best hitter, which means that every team had someone better, on average.
Cain can pitch well enough, doesn’t matter. The umpires can steal a run, doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. My god, you could have been learning how to mend a crippling personal flaw this whole time. But you didn’t. You watched baseball. Which doesn’t matter.
September is the last baseball month, and I dare you to tweet that damned Rogers Hornsby quote at me. I double-dog dare you.
i’m sorry, i’m sorry, you didn’t deserve that, there was a beautiful joe panik play in the fourth, i loved that play, and crawford is still making me hopeful for next year, he’s probably not broken, but, jeepers, that was a long slump, anyway, it would be ducky if mark melancon didn’t walk and hit runners in, okay, thanks for reading