Grant Brisbee is going to be on TV, and you should watch him

You know him, you love him, you... want some more of him? You may have already heard the news, but just in case you hadn’t: Don’t forget to catch our very own Grant Brisbee on Monday night after the Giants lose to the Rockies on NBC Sports Bay Area for what’s the first of 26 episodes of a new show, Giants Outsiders.

If you know the story of Grant Brisbee at all, then you know this is well-earned. He was born Grantholomew Hershiser and was abandoned as a newborn baby in the alley behind an Italian restaurant half a mile from Dodger Stadium. A river of Tommy Lasorda’s bile and sweat swept him out to sea where the apple basket he was in eventually made its way up to San Francisco Bay. There, a loving couple found him, saw the dog tag around his neck, took pity on him, and before bringing him home and making him a part of their family. From there, he was in and out of several schools and juvenile facilities over the years with behavioral issues. But eventually, the soothing pitching style of Kelly Downs gave him somewhere to focus his internal rage and he became a Giants fan, finally learning to read so that he understood the weird symbols flashing on his parents’ TV screen.

He would eventually become the greatest baseball writer on the internet and, besides the venture capitalist money, the sole reason for Vox Media’s success. He’s the best kind of writer who just happens to be a fan: he’ll let his team affect his emotions but not his objectivity, and when that objectivity is affected, he’ll make you laugh.

NBC Sports Bay Area surveyed the landscape, saw that the Giants were going to be awfully terrible for a really long time, and determined that the only way to turn into the skid, programming-wise, was to put on their air someone who’s going to be able to deliver something other than “they’re awful. My god, they’re awful. Please make it stop.” every night for the next three months. It’s not just some guy, though. He and Therese Viñal represent the best of the rest. They’re not grizzled broadcasters who’ve got to find spins on cliches — they get to experiment and be fun. At least, that’s the best version of Grant, when he’s not being forced to be Greg Papa.

Editor’s note: I’ve always thought Papa was informative and smart, you weenies.

It’s fun and weird to think that Grant is truly about to elevate himself to Bay Area celebrity status. You can say you knew him when this was Waiting for Boof.

This is an overly long post to remind you, simply, that you should check him out on TV, since it’s going to be a whole thing now for the rest of the season. A 26-episode order means the writers are going to have to come up with some story contrivances along the way just to fill out the season, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be fantastic and funny stuff along the way.

Along that line, let’s get some some over/unders going for this show:

• First “Grant looks like Mike Fontenot” reference: 3.5 episodes
• First Rush riff: 1.5 episodes
• Number of times Therese will make fun of Grant’s height: 8.5
• Giants player or coach makes reference to him in an interview: 14.5 episodes
• Burlingame shoutouts: 6.5
• First Simpsons reference: 0.5 episodes
• First “Baseball is hard” / “is a tough sport”: 3.5 episodes
• First time McCovey Chronicles comments section is mentioned: 1.5 episodes

The show will also be simulcast on Facebook Live. I am assuming that means you can find it on NBC Sports Bay Area’s Facebook page. The press release (linked to above) suggests that Grant and Therese will be interacting with commenters as part of the show. Do I think we should try to distract Grant with targeted weird questions and comments during the broadcast? I do not.

Do I think we should try to get something like this to happen?

Yes. Absolutely. We’d be crazy not to try.

Congratulations, Grant. You’re the best.