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Ex-Giants around the league

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Emmanuel Burriss is on Team Suspended 50 Games For A Drug of Abuse, if you’re wondering

MLB: San Diego Padres-Media Day
did u kno he can hit
Rick Scuteri-USA TODAY Sports

Last year I wrote an article about what teams ex-Giants were on, and since some of those players have changed teams in the meantime, I get to reuse that idea. As always, if I missed anyone, let me know in the comments and then I’ll change it without acknowledging you in any way and hopefully people who see your comment in the future will think, “He’s already on the list, dummy,” and then think less of you.

Onto the players!

NL West

Diamondbacks
None.

Rockies
There’s Jonah Arenado’s brother, obviously, but no actual former Giants.

Dodgers
Sergio Romo! Sergio Romo pitched a scoreless inning last night, and the reason that happened is that you’re a terrible person and the universe hates you.

Padres
Well, they’ve got old friend Hector Sanchez, who can hit, hanging out on the roster. They also have three (3!) other catchers, including Christian Bethancourt, their catcher/reliever hybrid, so while Sanchez, who can hit, might not get a lot of starts, he’ll at least be able to pinch hit regularly, which is good for him and the Padres, because he can hit.

NL Central

Pirates
Chris Stewart is still kicking around, and he seems like the kind of catcher who will last another 30 years. He’s great defensively, and there will always be some team somewhere (and it’s been the Pirates for several years now) that will keep him around for that. Good for him, I say.

Cubs
None.

Reds
Adam Duvall, of course! Boy, that trade looks bad in hindsight, huh? And if you said at the time that it was bad, then okay, fine, great, you win, good job, we all care.

Brewers
Andrew Susac! I mean, he’s on the DL, but he’s with Milwaukee and someday he will play a game for the Brewers, and won’t that be nice for him? In some ways that’s an unfair joke because he actually played nine games for them last year. In some other ways, what, are my jokes supposed to be fair now?

Cardinals
I mentioned the Mike Leake trade above, so there’s no need to rehash it here other than to say: Mike Leake was a pitcher for the San Francisco Giants for the last two months of the 2015 season and he did not distinguish himself in that capacity.

NL East

Braves
This roster is chock full of guys who have all been on like eight different teams over the last 15 years, and somehow none of them are ex-Giants. It’s pretty impressive, really.

Marlins
None.

Phillies
You’ve got Tommy Joseph, who’s a former San Jose Giant, though obviously he was traded (in the Hunter Pence deal) long before he actually made the majors. In terms of guys who were in the majors with the Giants, though, nobody.

Nationals
Dusty Baker is the manager, and he definitely always gets to count. Love you, Dusty. May you prop up the Eastern seaboard’s toothpick industry for a long time to come.

Mets
NO JAY BRUCE WAS NEVER ON THE GIANTS YOU STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

And they’ve got former top prospect Zack Wheeler as their fourth starter coming into the season. Wheeler hasn’t started in the majors since 2014, and he pitched just 1.2 innings in Spring Training in 2015 and 1 inning in the minors last year, but he had a spring that was encouraging enough for the Mets to put him into the rotation, and so that’s where he’s going to go.

AL West

Astros
Oh yeah, here’s the good stuff. Both Norichika Aoki and Carlos Beltran are Astros this year. Aoki was on the 2015 team, and in between injuries he was fun, and he took silly pictures. Here’s one of those silly pictures.

MLB: San Francisco Giants at Pittsburgh Pirates Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

Beltran, on the other hand, is widely disliked among Giants fans, and that’s still weird and it will never not be weird. He was hurt when he came over, he didn’t hit particularly well, and when he got healthy in September he was great. None of that merits boos. I will always be like Sisyphus when it comes to this, though instead of eternal torture it’s eternal mild irritation and confusion. Hey, we all have our giant rocks to push up a hill.

Angels
Giants hero Yusmeiro Petit made the team, and the fact that there isn’t an annoying 11 minute folk song about his 2014 playoff run proves that West Coast fans just don’t have any real passion for baseball.

A's
You’ve got Rajai Davis here, and obviously we all like Rajai Davis. He’s spent the last 11 years leading the league in not being Matt Morris and he hit that amazing homer in the World Series last year against Aroldis Chapman and did I mention the part where he’s not Matt Morris? Delightful.

The real star here, though, is obviously Santiago Casilla, and let’s be perfectly clear here: He’s gonna be the full time closer for the A’s this year and he’ll be fantastic and Giants fans will freak out about it and the whole thing will be a stupid mess. I can’t wait.

Mariners
None.

Rangers
None.

AL Central

Royals
None, and also, I still shudder at the name Raul Mondesi.

White Sox
Melky Cabrera! The Melkman is still in the majors, and I know what you’re thinking: “I hate you for calling him the Melkman.” Friend, you couldn’t be more wrong. You hate me for a lot of reasons.

Indians
Dan Otero. I don’t have a lot to say about Dan Otero, but they also have Trevor Bauer on the roster, which reminds me of this fantastic tweet:

Tigers
None.

Twins
Former Giants prospect Adalberto Mejia is the fifth starter for Minnesota, and good for him. The Twins got him last year in the Eduardo Nuñez deal, and that’s fine. Nuñez is a good player, and we can root for both his success and Mejia’s. They also have Ehire Adrianza on the DL, because if you can play a competent major league shortstop, you will find a home no matter how your bat plays.

AL East

Blue Jays
Their pitching staff is full of former Giants minor leaguers who never got to the majors with San Francisco, namely Joe Biagini, Jason Grilli, and Francisco Liriano. Grilli has been around forever — the Giants traded him for frickin’ Livan Hernandez — and is still somehow in the majors, Liriano went in the Pierzynski deal, of course, and has had an up and down career, but those ups have sure been remarkable, and then there’s Biagini. He had a breakout season in the Blue Jays bullpen last year, and if you’re ruing that he wasn’t in San Francisco, just remember: It would have ruined him. The problem with the Giants bullpen is not talent. The problem is that they built their bullpen on top of an ancient Dodger burial ground and it destroys pitchers. We should not mourn Joe Biagini being on another team. We should celebrate that the Giants set him free.

Orioles
None. Apparently once you wear one orange and black uniform, the other one is disallowed. Don’t fact check me on this, but I’m sure it’s true.

Red Sox
Well, they’ve got our old friend Pablo Sandoval. Remember him? Third basemen, homered off Justin Verlander a couple times, made some All-Star teams? Well, anyway, he’s had a slow start to his Red Sox career, but I’m sure the notoriously patient Boston fans will give him an opportunity to prove himself in 2017. And also Heath Hembree is on the team! Hembree had a good year last year in terms of ERA, but remember: everything I said above about Biagini applies to him too. He’s lucky to be gone. Less lucky, because he’s in Boston, but still lucky.

Yankees
None.

Rays
Right there, just sitting on the DL is Matt Duffy, whose post-trade injury problems are sad to see. Hopefully he gets healthy and back on track soon, because otherwise we’ll all have to resent Matt Moore based on his merits as a baseball player, and no one wants that.