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The Giants are wasting your time and you shouldn’t watch them

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Go read a book. Or go write a book. Eat a book, even. Do something book-related.

San Francisco Giants v Los Angeles Dodgers Photo by Jayne Kamin-Oncea/Getty Images

I don’t know what your other hobbies are. I know that you enjoy reading articles about the Giants on McCovey Chronicles dot com, and we here appreciate that. Presumably, if you like reading about the Giants, you are either a Giants fan or a baseball fan who enjoys Grant’s writing. Maybe mine too, but we all know who the star is.

The Giants have, so far this year, played 475 hours and 9 minutes of baseball. That’s almost 20 cumulative days of baseball. Each game has averaged around 3 hours and 10 minutes. All this data, by the way, comes from me adding a bunch of numbers at Baseball Reference, and if I mistyped something, then, well, it’s close enough. The point is, even if you watch most of the games instead of all of them, following this team is a huge, absurd time commitment.

They haven’t been worth it. You don’t need me to tell you that, but I’m telling you that anyway. They have absolutely, unequivocally, without a doubt, not been worth it. Even if you just watched half their games, do you know what you could do with 10 days? You could watch the extended editions of the 3 Lord of the Rings movies 20 times. You could watch all 596 episodes of The Simpsons. You could read the entire works of Shakespeare, call them overrated, and when people call you on it, smugly cross your arms and say that The Taming of the Shrew is the worst, most misogynistic garbage you’ve ever read in your life and that you’ve read it and you’ve read all of them and suck it. All of these things would be a much, much better use of your time than watching the Giants.

Now, it’s possible that you honestly think that the Giants have a good chance to make the playoffs, that things will sort themselves out and they’ll sneak into the wild card game and start another round of #EvenYearBullshit. Great. For those of you who think that, keep watching. Ignore the rest of the article. Go into the comments and say I’m dumb and that I’m overreacting or whatever. Maybe in 2 weeks time you’ll be proven right. That would be nice!

But if you don’t think that, if you look at this team and see an offense that shuts down as soon as either team gets a one-run lead, a bullpen that is pathologically incapable of pitching well in the ninth inning, a clubhouse that hasn’t been giving out a lot of “The guys are playing hard for each other” quotes, a manager who can’t do a single thing right, and a team that, as a whole, pretty much packed it in after one of the 400 blown saves they’ve suffered through this year, then you can just stop. Maybe it’s been more. I don’t know.

I understand the temptation to be a true fan and stick it out and be tough. Do you think I’m going to take my own advice? Ha ha ha ha, no, of course I won’t. I will keep watching the Giants despite my ever increasing indifference, because that’s just what I do. But I’m under no illusions that me watching the last 12 games this year will make the 2038 World Series victory any sweeter. It won’t. Will I someday be able to say I was watching when they lost to the Rockies on a catcher’s interference call? Sure. Is that actually worth a single goddamn thing? No.

When you are on your deathbed, you will not regret abandoning the 2016 Giants. And if you think I’m wrong, that you will lie there wishing you’d been more of a true fan, just remember: They abandoned you first. Baseball is supposed to be entertaining. This is not entertaining. Baseball is supposed to be fun. This is not fun. Go do something else. Go do anything else. You’ll thank yourself.

See you Thursday for another article on McCovey Chronicles dot com!