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Brandon Belt is a finalist for the 2016 MLB All-Star Game Final Vote

If you want a Brandon in the All-Star Game, here's your best chance.

Scott Cunningham/Getty Images

Brandon Belt isn't an All-Star. Brandon Crawford isn't an All-Star. Maybe the worst part about this whole mess is that Brandon Moss is also deserving of an All-Star selection, and we’re being confronted by an anti-Brandon faction that’s more powerful than we can possibly realize.

No, sorry. The worst part about the 2016 All-Star rosters is that there aren’t enough of my favorite players, and everything is about me in this world. I wake up, and there’s me. When I go to sleep, there I am. When I take a moment to myself, I come along. I’m the most important thing to me, and it’s not even close. So of course the All-Star Game should be filled with Brandons. It’s what I want, and we’ve already established my importance.

But there’s another way. Belt is one of the players up for a selection using the 2016 MLB All-Star Game Final Vote, which is a marketing ploy conceived by Major League Baseball to let dumb fans and dumber bloggers act as unpaid promotional tools under the guise of team spirit. And, boy, am I in! Team spirit is the best, and I enjoy watching Belt playing baseball, so what can I do?

You can just vote online here, for starters. You can also wait until the final day of voting (July 8) and tweet something with a hashtag of #VoteBelt. Or you can text "N1" to 89269, which is probably Rob Manfred’s phone number. Note that is "N1" and not "NI," because if you text "NI" to that number you’ll probably kill someone, you fool, so be careful.

Vote only. Text N1 to 89269. Or tweet #VoteBelt on July 8. Those are the ways we can get Belt into the All-Star Game.

Who’s his competition? Buncha nobodies, really.

Ryan Braun

He did performance-enhancing drugs, and if there’s one thing we don’t stand for around these parts, it’s PED users who taint the sanctity of the game.

Jake Lamb

Technically he has one of the highest OPS in the National League, and he’s absolutely crushing baseballs on his way to becoming a power-hitting superstar, but he’s on the Diamondbacks. Also, his name sounds like Jay Clam. I wouldn’t vote for a Jay Clam, and neither would you.

Trevor Story

No, no, no, no. Being a shortstop for the Rockies shouldn’t be like being a Green Lantern, where anyone who wanders by and picks up the ring gets to be a part of the club. They had their Troy Tulowitzki, and that was just dandy for them, but they don’t get another one.

Also: his OPS+ is 108. That’s good for a shortstop, but it’s exactly what Brandon Crawford’s is, too. You know that Crawford is the better fielder (although Story is quite good), so a vote for Story is a vote for a not-Brandon in two different ways. Don’t be one of those people.

Starling Marte

Yes, he’s a fantastic young player, one of the game’s most underrated, a Gold Glover with 50-steal speed who’s hitting .320. He’s been a five-win player for four years now. Gregory Polanco might be even better, and he’s not in this competition, but that’s not the point. Marte is deserving.

But if you look on his uniform, you’ll notice a yellow "P", which is much different than a black or orange interlocking "SF." For this reason, I cannot vote for him.

Vote Belt.

Now, we’re supposed to vote for Dustin Pedroia at the same time because the Giants have an Axis of Arrogance alignment with the Red Sox. I ... I can’t vouch for that. You do you when it comes to the AL vote. I’m partial to Ian Kinsler, who has been just as good as Pedroia in his career with a tenth of the fanfare, but Pedroia isn’t a bad pick at all. They’re all good picks. Also, I don’t care about any of them.

Belt, though? I remember when that guy was a rookie. I remember the excitement when he was called up, the arguments in 2011 and 2012, when Aubrey Huff was struggling. I remember people so turned off by Belt that they declared Brett Pill to be the superior baseball player. I remember people calling Belt "injury prone," even though it’s not his fault that jerks keep throwing baseballs at him.

And now he’s having an All-Star season without the All-Star selection. That’s a shame, a darned shame, and we can help rectify that. Vote Belt. Vote early, and vote often.