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Barry Bonds just beat the Marlins in a home run contest

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The 51-year-old Bonds took on his new team in a batting practice contest and beat everyone. Even Giancarlo Stanton, his very large protégé.

Marc Serota/Getty Images

This shouldn't be surprising. Why is this surprising? This is still surprising.

The best part is that it's not like he beat the Giants, who haven't had a 30-homer hitter since he left. He went into the heart of dingerlvania and cut off the head of the current king. Giancarlo Stanton just lost a home run derby to a 51-year-old man.

A 51-year-old man who could probably still pinch-hit, you know.

That is, well ...

I wouldn't be opposed to it.

I could get behind a 365-day campaign of writing about it.

I could dream about this every night for the next year, just based on one stray tweet.

For now, though, just know that Barry Bonds is still the Home Run Emperor of All, Pharaoh of the Infinite Void. We would expect no less.