Giants release full 2016 promotional schedule

You know baseball season is close when your favorite team announces their schedule of promotions and giveaways. And, because you're a Giants fan, you lucky soul, you know you're getting one of the more creative promotional schedules in baseball. It's time to take a look at the stuff that will go for way too much money on eBay. Here's your 2016 Giants promotional schedule:

Oh, we have thoughts.

Thought #1: Good lord, I don't want to know what a Hunter Pence Solar Bobblebody is. That is a word salad with curdled dressing, and there's almost no way that giveaway won't be completely horrifying. I'm sure I'll want six.

Thought #2: The Bruce Bochy Gnome also sounds terrifying. Didn't we learn our lesson with the Tim Lincegnome?

GAH. Gnomes are a horrible trend. Stop the gnome trend. I'm sure I'll want only five of these.

Thought #3: The Madison Bumgarner bobblehead is of him swinging a danged bat.

A silver bat, mind you. This is instantly a top-five bobblehead. The bobbleheads will be for the first 40,000 fans, which is a generous allotment that not every team hands out.

Thought #4: I don't think any of us were expecting the Matt Duffy bobblehead at this time last year. We were too busy thinking about the Yusmeiro Petit and Travis Ishikawa bobbleheads that we weren't expecting the year before that.

Thought #5: Sergio Romo portable speakers doesn't make a lot of sense as a concept, but it sure puts the "fun" in functional, and I would like to have these speakers. Maybe they're in the shape of his head.

Thought #6: The Brandon Crawford bobblehead is two designs: One of him as a Gold Glover, and one of him as a Silver Slugger. That seems cruel and unfair to us completionists, here.

Thought #7: The MLB Network is sponsoring a reusable grocery tote for the second straight year. This will help you get your groceries from the store into your home.

Thought #8: The Buster Hugs mug sounds pretty adorable. I hope they at least give one to the dude who coined the phrase.

Thought #9: Gaylord Perry is getting a statue, and they're giving away a little Gaylord Perry statue to honor him. This is all an excellent idea.

Thought #10: No, seriously, what is a Hunter Pence Solar Bobblebody, cut it out, you guys, stop that, no, no, no.

There's more than just the giveaways and promotions. There are the special events, too, listed below:

The Star Trek day is a nice touch, and I'm looking forward to seeing which Marvel bobblehead they come up with. The Giants really are good to their nerds.

There's your free stuff! All you have to do for your free stuff is buy the not-free tickets, unless you want to spend for the free stuff on eBay, which seems like missing the point. You'll end up spending about as much as you would have on the tickets in the first place.

In conclusion, I hope the person who said, "Wait, maybe the Bumgarner bobblehead should be of him hitting" got a raise.