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The 2016 San Francisco Giants gift guide

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It was an awful year. Spend your way out of it.

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Hello, and welcome to the San Francisco Giants gift guide for 2016! I just noticed there are literally 11 days until Christmas, and it turns out that I usually post one of these at the end of November. Good going, me! That means you’ll have to expedite these orders, unless they’re available from Amazon, which means you’ll be adding to the workload of some desperate, bedraggled temp working countless hours in a warehouse hellscape that looks like something from a Zdzisław Beksiński painting. But at least you’ll get it on time!

[orders 40 AAA batteries from phone while pooping]

Anyway, these are some gifts you could consider. First, we’ll start with some old friends.

Old friends

ZenPop has always been one of the nicest people around this site. He complements me five times for every insult you monsters dish out, and it’s the only thing that keeps me going. Did you know he’s a professional artist, though? Like, the kind that gets paid cash money to design posters for Fillmore concerts or covers for the New Yorker?

He has baseball stuff for sale. You should buy some of this stuff.

Daniel Brown is another friend of the program, and he covers sports for the Mercury News. He collected 50 of the biggest San Francisco Giants moments for his book, The Big 50: The Men and Moments that Made the San Francisco Giants, and it’s quite good. You should buy that book.

Sam Miller and Ben Lindbergh are like a functional, less lazy version of me and Jeff Sullivan, which means they’ve actually finished a book together. It’s called The Only Rule Is It Has To Work, and it’s about the Sonoma Stompers adapting all of their wacky sabermetric ideas. It’s excellent, and it’s perfect offseason reading. In my opinion, you should buy this book.

Posters, posters, posters!

This will repeat some previous entries, but most of them are just so good.

If I could have one Giants poster hanging in my house, it would be this one:

There are other Giants posters in the series (including a Travis Ishikawa-themed one), as well as a ton of non-Giants options, but that is a Ruben Rivera poster, and it’s magnificent. I’d like to think the corner outfielders were unable to move, watching the horrors unfold before them.

Also, the Giants won that game, so it’s a very, very good memory.

This print is one of the more popular items I’ve included in past gift guides, and the artist asked nicely to be included again, and, well, it’s a cool print.

That’s the whole season of results, with the scribbles forming a picture of something that seems like it was a million years ago. When will this drought ever end?

I’ve also enjoyed this Ballpark Blueprint in the past, and it has a handy guide for when it will arrive, negating my worries about this guide being too late.

There’s one for the Polo Grounds, too, and it makes me think that place wasn’t originally designed for baseball, but it’s just a theory.

MYSTERY BOBBLEHEAD

IF YOU KNOW THE ANSWER, DON’T SPOIL IT FOR EVERYONE ELSE. FROM EBAY:

Not sure who this is I think its Frank Sinatra?never seen another one before

I DON’T THINK THAT IS FRANK SINATRA, HOWEVER THIS MYSTERY IS CONSUMING ME, AND ... wait a sec

i think that’s me

i will sign it for you

The Kiss Cam Wedding Proposal Package

Straight from the Giants themselves:

Hit a homerun with a proposal on the big screen!

I don’t get it.

Hit a homerun with a proposal on the big screen! This package includes a live camera shot of the big moment during our Kiss Cam feature and a DVD to remember the experience for years to come (please allow two weeks for processing). Only one marriage proposal will be allowed on the Kiss Cam per game. Please note there is no verbal announcement or visual message included.

This package is $700 on games occurring Monday through Thursday and $950 on games occurring Friday through Sunday.

Emphasis theirs. And, wow, I’ll take seven, what a deal.

Also, they’re nearly sold out. This is the world we share.

Before buying yours, however, please note that when you commit to a specific game, there’s a chance that game might be one of the worst games in franchise history. And not only will you have to pretend like your relationship isn’t already doomed, but you’ll also suffer the indignity of proposing on a Thursday because you didn’t want to spring for an extra $250 on the most important decision of his or her life.

For the Giants blogger in your life

You know, if just 349 of you chipped in a dollar, this would make a very nice “thank you” gift for someone you read every day.

I don’t know why there’s a New York Times store, either, but here we are, and that is a fair price for a blogger gift.

If you’re feeling spendier, I could certainly go for one of these Tinkers to Evers to Chance T-206 sets or this 1952 Giants team-signed baseball. Considering you’ve never gotten me anything in your life, it’s almost like you’re saving money.

Anyway, you’d better order and pay extra for shipping if you want this stuff. Sorry about that. Good luck, and happy holidays.