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2016 - 2017 MLB free agent predictions

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Forty free agents. You’ll predict, like, three of them correctly. You’re here for the fun, not the satisfaction of being right.

MLB: General Managers Meetings Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Free agency has officially started, with the Braves swooping on R.A. Dickey and Bartolo Colon before the rest of us have heated up a cup of coffee on the hot stove. “Give me 90 combined years of old ex-Mets!”, John Coppolella screamed. And that’s what he got. I’m sort of jealous.

The rest of the free agents? They’re still out there, waiting for their millions. The Giants are going to give more money to one player this offseason than you could ever possibly spend on the team in your lifetime. All of the tickets, all of the hats, all of the hot dogs, all of the parking passes over your entire life, they’ll all add to a pitch or an at-bat from one of these players. And that’s if you’ve spent just a ton of money.

And you might not even think the player should be on the roster. Oh, what a cruel hobby you’ve chosen.

It’s time for our annual tradition of humiliation. Look at how stupid you all were last year.

Johnny Cueto – Angels
Posted by CalBear949

No, he signed with the Giants, dummy. Why would he sign with the Angels? That makes no sense.

I suck at this

Zack Greinke – Dodgers
David Price – Giants
Posted by DFAArias

Well, the first part wasn’t a prediction, but it sure was the only right thing you typed. Try harder.

i'm bad at this

Zack Greinke – Dodgers
David Price – Yankees
Posted by skyblue17

Why is everybody proactively declaring how bad they are? Just get better at it. Please. It’s embarrassing.

how do you spoon with a robot?
Posted by City Mãe

These predictions are totally ... wait, what the ... I guess most of you just talked about whatever and didn’t make predictions. Is it because I make fun of you every year?

Yeah, I can see that.

Okay, I’ll stop.

Here are some of the top free agents, with some Giants-specific players mixed in. If you think the Giants will sign a player not listed, put him at the end. There are bonus points to be had.

My guesses, which will be mostly right:

Kenley Jansen - Dodgers
Yoenis Cespedes - Phillies
Aroldis Chapman - Yankees
Justin Turner - Nationals
Rich Hill - Dodgers

Mark Melancon - Cubs
Edwin Encarnacion - Red Sox
Dexter Fowler - Astros
Ian Desmond - Mariners
Jose Bautista - Rangers

Josh Reddick - Giants
Jeremy Hellickson - Cubs
Jason Hammel - Padres
Wilson Ramos - Orioles
Mark Trumbo - Blue Jays

Carlos Gomez - Dodgers
Neil Walker - Cardinals
Brad Ziegler - Giants
Matt Wieters - Rockies
Koji Uehara - Cubs

Michael Saunders - Indians
Luis Valbuena - Giants
Ivan Nova - Royals
Hisashi Iwakuma - Mariners
Colby Rasmus - White Sox

Jake Peavy - Padres
Sergio Romo - Blue Jays
Javier Lopez - Rangers
Santiago Casilla - Pirates
Angel Pagan - A’s

Joe Blanton - Giants
Joe Blanton - Giants
Joe Blanton - Giants
Joe Blanton - Giants
Joe Blanton - Giants

Here’s one for you to copy and paste into the comments.

Kenley Jansen -
Yoenis Cespedes -
Aroldis Chapman -
Justin Turner -
Rich Hill -
Mark Melancon -
Edwin Encarnacion -
Dexter Fowler -
Ian Desmond -
Jose Bautista -
Josh Reddick -
Jeremy Hellickson -
Jason Hammel -
Wilson Ramos -
Mark Trumbo -
Carlos Gomez -
Neil Walker -
Brad Ziegler -
Matt Wieters -
Koji Uehara -
Michael Saunders -
Luis Valbuena -
Ivan Nova -
Hisashi Iwakuma -
Colby Rasmus -
Jake Peavy -
Sergio Romo -
Javier Lopez -
Santiago Casilla -
Angel Pagan -
Joe Blanton - Giants

Enjoy! And make sure you’re right this time.