There was a baseball a-doin’ on Tuesday night, and you’re pretty, pretty glad you weren’t following the orange-and-black team that was playing. There was pain and there was heartbreak for that particular team.
The other team was very happy about winning the sports game. But as some of you already noticed, Orioles’ catcher Matt Wieters was playing a cover song, not an original. Observe:
So our job today is to ask this simple question: Which catcher wore the soul-spindling home run better? We’ve set up a couple categories.
1. Time spent looking away
Oh, how silly of me, I forgot to include the complementary video.
I have Hanigan looking away for 2.26 seconds, but that’s an unofficial time.
I have Wieters looking away and then walking in a straight line for 37 kilometers, before he’s picked up by a Mountie on the side of the highway. The Mountie gives him cocoa and a blanket.
2. Time before looking away
Ah, but I have Wieters at an unofficial time of .95 seconds from the crack of the bat to the time he looks away. Hanigan is around .62 seconds. The acknowledgement and disgust are more immediate.
3. Angle of retreat
Looks like Hanigan is going about a 30-degree angle away from the plate.
Wieters is more of a 25-degree angle, though it’s hard to measure exactly.
Advantage: Neither, since this is just an invented category in an article that was created solely as a way to get more use out of the Posey vs. Latos GIF.
4. Can you do the Arthur fist meme with either one?
Let’s see, first Wieters:
Yeah, sorry, looks like Wieters takes it.
5. Involvement of Mat Latos
Mat Latos was the pitcher who gave up Buster Posey’s grand slam (effectively losing the game for his team), whereas Ubaldo Jimenez is not Mat Latos.
Add it up, and Hanigan wore it just a little better. The look back to watch the home run almost turned him into a pillar of fun, but he reacted quicker, and it involved Mat Latos, which is a fine tiebreaker.
So don’t worry, Ryan Hanigan. You’re still the champion of catcher-dinger dysphoria for now, and you should be for a long time. If you don’t like it, well, it’s not your fault. Blame your battery-mate.