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Denard Span is scared of birds, but there's no way that will be a problem in San Francisco

Not just any birds, but birds that eat fish. Nope, shouldn't be a problem at all.

A valued Twitter subscriber brought this 2013 story about new Giants outfielder Denard Span to our attention, and it seems relevant to today's news.

"Yea, I’m afraid of fish and birds," Span confessed.

"Fish, and birds and MRIs," Bickel said. "I’m with you on the MRIs."

"What’s so fearsome about birds?!" JP Flaim asked.

"I’m not an outdoorsman," Span explained.

"Even though your job entails you being outdoors like half the year!" Auville zinged.

"You know, I’m okay with someone throwing a fastball at my head," Span countered. "But a bird flies at my head, I’m more terrified."

Well, ahem, listen, there generally aren't birds on the field, per se, not exactly, if we're going to split hairs, they generally don't fly directly at your head, per se, not on purpose, ha ha, they're not malevolent birds, not around here, and really, who's to say what a lot of birds looks like, everyone has different ways of looking at things.

"So what happened with the fish?" Jason Bishop asked. "The bird just dropped the fish in front of you?"

"He dropped the fish right in front of centerfield right during batting practice," Span recounted.

"But you grew up in Tampa!" Bishop clubbed.

"Yea, I know."

"So what did you think the fish was going to do?" EB asked.

"I wasn’t afraid of the fish, I was afraid of the bird!" Span jumped.

Ha ha, well, you're in luck! These birds don't eat fish. I mean, whatever birds might fly around AT&T Park during the late innings of a game. They're the dumb birds who can't catch the fish in the first place, so they have to eat garlic fries that were stepped on, hot dog buns, and general filth. If they could catch a fish, they'd be with the real seagulls, living it up on Sea Bass Avenue, living large. Ha ha.

Don't worry about the birds, Denard. You know how people exaggerate. Ha.

Don't worry about the birds, it's probably just fine.


Don't worry about the birds.