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The DH is coming, and it will make Giants fans sad

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Orlando Cepeda was already traded, and Barry Bonds was forced out of baseball years ago. So there's no way for Giants fans to root for the DH now.

Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

1. The DH isn't much fun and it never was. Proponents of the designated-hitter rule are so very vocal about how unenjoyable it is to watch pitchers hit, but the people who actually watch the pitchers hit all year are perfectly fine with it.

Take it from us, it's great. Really, I've watched this for decades, and I can't recommend it enough. Seriously, you AL people gotta try this.

2. The DH is awful every year, but last year Giants pitchers hit three more homers than Royals and Tigers shortstops combined. Even without Bumgarner's dingers, Giants pitchers hit as many home runs as Angels shortstops. National League teams should just get pitchers who hit better.

3. Okay, fine, we'll just make a full list. In 2015, Giants pitchers hit more home runs than:

  • Phillies center fielders
  • Mariners shortstops
  • Rockies second basemen
  • Braves second basemen
  • Brewers second basemen
  • Red Sox shortstops
  • Tigers center fielders
  • Twins catchers
  • Red Sox catchers
  • Phillies shortstops
  • Rangers shortstops
  • Pirates catchers
  • Indians center fielders
  • Brewers shortstops
  • Phillies second basemen
  • Royals second basemen
  • Angels second basemen
  • White Sox second basemen
  • Marlins shortstops
  • Rangers center fielders
  • A's second basemen
  • Reds center fielders
  • Cardinals catchers
  • Royals right fielders
  • Braves shortstops
  • A's center fielders
  • Reds catchers
  • Marlins second basemen
  • Angels shortstops
  • Tigers shortstops
  • Royals shortstops

Also, Giants center fielders, but we won't mention that here.

5. Even after the seasons in which Giants pitchers don't hit a single dinger, the DH would still be gross. I enjoy having a spot in every order that's defanged, almost by rule. It makes pitchers approach an inning differently, and it makes it sting worse when their plans backfire. It makes benches and pinch-hitters especially important. And it makes you yell more at the pitchers who can't even bunt right.

6. There's nothing we can do about the DH. The collective bargaining agreement is coming up, and it's an easy concession for the owners to give to the MLB Players Association, who would love an extra 15 full-time salaries divided among their members. Owners would love the extra rest for pitchers, and the concession would allow the two sides to focus on bartering away the rights of minor leaguers and amateur players, who aren't represented by anyone.

7. You'll get used to the DH. Barely. Your kids and their kids won't know anything different, and they'll wonder why it still makes you so mad. You'll be the angry, venomous grandparent for a lot of reasons. This is just one of them.

8. The Giants' history with DHs in the World Series is a mixed bag. In order:

  • Ernie Riles
  • Tsuyoshi Shinjo
  • Shawon Dunston
  • Pablo Sandoval
  • Aubrey Huff
  • Pat Burrell
  • Hector Sanchez
  • Ryan Theriot
  • Michael Morse

Four of those names belong in the same sentence as "DH." The other five are hilarious. Those were the DHs in the World Series, which is a finite collection of very important games. Hopefully a full-time DH will make them plan ahead.

Of course, the winning run of the 2012 World Series was scored by a DH, and the winning RBI of the 2014 World Series was hit by a DH. Maybe we should be more into this.

9. The most plate appearances as a DH in Giants history:

  • Barry Bonds, 172
  • Buster Posey, 56
  • Pablo Sandoval, 39
  • Glenallen Hill, 27
  • Ellis Burks, 21
  • Moises Alou, 19
  • Charlie Hayes, 17
  • Michael Morse, 16
  • Rich Aurilia/Damon Minor, 15

10. That's cute that you were annoyed by the "Posey-to-first" people. Because guess what's coming?

11. Just like the 1993 Giants would have won the World Series if there were a Wild Card spot for them, the Giants of the '60s would have won a World Series if they could have kept Willie McCovey and Orlando Cepeda in the same lineup.

12. Barry Bonds and/or Ellis Burks would still be on the Giants today if the DH were implemented for the NL in 2000.

13. If Pablo Sandoval came up in 2017, he would have been shuffled to DH and lived there for the rest of his career. Instead, he was put at third base in a bold move, and he thrived there, eventually getting nominated for a Gold Glove.

14. We'll laugh about this in 2019, when Chris Shaw becomes the first National League DH to hit 50 home runs. There will be tears, and a piece of your soul will blacken and flake off, but we'll still laugh.

15. There is nothing more baseball-annoying than DH lovers who proselytize about the glory of the DH because they want to save us from watching pitchers hit.

Me: You shouldn't have to use a mouse when touch screen technology is so accessible these days. Here, give me your mouse.

Friend: No, it's cool, I'm used to it.

Me: Give me the mouse.

Friend: Seriously, I'm fine. I like using a mouse.

Me: Actually, I'm going to get you set up with a whole Minority Report thing, where you can just gesticulate wildly in the air like Tom Cruise, hold on ...

No, it's cool, we're used to it.

People who say they'll stop watching baseball entirely if there's a DH in the National League are weird, but that doesn't mean this isn't awful. I'm more in the mopey-teenager phase, where I blow the bangs out of my eyes and mumble "whatever." The sooner you get out of your angry, disaffected phase, the healthier it will be.

What will the Giants do at DH in 2017? At this point, I don't care. The question makes me want to take a nap and sleep until Opening Day, it's so hard to comprehend. But it's coming.

I don't want the DH. But it's coming.

It's coming. Probably the season after next. It will never not annoy you, but you'll get more used to it than you think.