You've made it. It's the end of a long, long season. There were ups, downs, more ups, and just a touch more downs. You've watched hundreds and hundreds of hours of baseball. The Giants got you something as a thank you. Here, go on, take it. It's additional hours of unwatchable baseball. Go on. It's yours. What do you say?
On the one hand, it's daunting to write about a game that absolutely no one cares about. The only way someone would want to read about that game is if they didn't watch it, and even then, the second they read "Diamondbacks 6, Giants 0," they close the tab.
On the other hand, it's completely liberating. I can write about whatever in the heck I want, and no one will ever read it. I can write about the time they asked me to spell "close" in the third-grade spelling bee, so I confidently spelled "c-l-o-s-e" and they said, no, dummy, it's "c-l-o-t-h-e-s," and you need to ask me to use it in a sentence next time, dummy, and I cried and cried and cried, and they asked my best friend WHO WON THE SPELLING BEE to sit next to me and console me during the next class. Between choking sobs, I should have told him that I hated him, and now I'm talking about his wedding a few years ago.
Goodness, so free. For the first time, I feel so free.
Or there was the time when I watched baseball on purpose -- literally picking up a remote and pushing the numerical sequence that put a Giants/Diamondbacks game on the television -- and fell asleep for a thousand years, waking up in the sterile mind-labs of the astral explorers who discovered our barren, frozen planet. Can you even imagine? That just happened. Just fell asleep for a thousand years because that game was so dumb. Feels good to get that off my chest, even though you are all dead and can't read this.
The last time the Giants scored a run against the Diamondbacks at AT&T Park was June 13, when the Giants still thought they were in a race. Norichika Aoki (deceased) walked, and Joe Panik (deceased) doubled him to second. Casey McGehee got a hit in that game, if you were looking for perspective as to how long ago it was.
Since then, the Giants have played 27 innings against the Diamondbacks at home, they've had 15 hits and seven walks, and they've gone 2-for-17 with runners in scoring position (those two hits didn't score a run). The only silver lining would be that this stretch convinces the Diamondbacks that they're set with their starting pitching, and that they can just sit this offseason out.
What does the AT&T futility against the Diamondbacks mean? Nothing. At least, nothing that you can apply to 2016 and beyond. Just one of those things. One of those weird things. One of those weird, obnoxious, things that makes you reevaluate just how you spend your weekend. If the Diamondbacks were really that good at throwing baseballs, they'd have a 10-game lead over the Dodgers. Which would be glorious. Instead, they show off in bursts, apparently only when they come to San Francisco. Whatever. Matt Williams is still ours, you know.
Is that enough for a full recap? Considering no one is reading, probably. But I did want to talk about Matt Cain for a bit.
Next season will be the third straight "If Matt Cain can contribute anything, the Giants will be in good shape" season. After a down year in 2013, Cain's return was crucial to the 2014 season. After an injury-marred year, his return was crucial to the 2015 season. After a gross, injury-arred year, his return will be a huge part of the 2016 season. He'll have a leash the length of Clayton Blackburn, but his ceiling and those dreams of 2012 will keep the Giants interested in his status.
After a leadoff walk (ugh) and a stolen base/error combo (arrrrrfffggh) and a single (whatever) and a walk to Paul Goldschmidt (fine), Cain was wilting in front of us. Those 2016 dreams were looking like, "Well if Gary Brown comes back as a free agent and hits 30 homers, the Giants' offense should be fine."
Then he struck out the next two batters. Both with nasty changeups, with the last one set up by the fastball. There, in that steaming mass of dinosaur poop, you are Laura Dern, elbow deep, pulling out some information you hope will be useful if everything is going to get fixed. For the last two batters he faced, Cain looked great. Dominant, even.
That was my favorite part of a lousy game.
My other favorite part of the game was an infield single.
GIF: Brandon Crawford is a defensive wizard pic.twitter.com/46sMhMn2sQ— Carmen Kiew (@carmenkiew) September 19, 2015
These are dark times.