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There's no Giants game tonight, so watch Dwight Gooden dominate a very bad Giants team

The 1985 Giants had the worst record in franchise history, and they went up against one of baseball's all-time greatest phenoms. You can guess what happened.

Mike Powell/Getty Images

This is a video on the Internet. It is a very enjoyable video on the Internet:

Dwight Gooden won the Cy Young in 1985 with one of the greatest pitching seasons ever. He struck out 268 in 276⅓ innings, with a 1.53 ERA and 16 complete games. He was also 20 years old.

The 1985 Giants lost 100 games for the first and only time in franchise history. They had pockets of talent on the team, which is how they bounced back so nicely for 1986, but they were an objectively lousy team.

That game went exactly how you thought it would. And yet it's still completely watchable. It's how I've spent most of my morning. My favorite parts:

1. Dwight Danged Gooden
He's actually been on my mind today because he's appearing in a Domino's ad that runs before every video. He kind of trips up over the line, "It's not just a no-no: It's a Dominono," probably because that's an awkward thing to say out loud. Try it. Don't mind the people in the cubicle next to you. Try it.

Kerry Wood is the only other phenom in my lifetime that can compare to Gooden, who was a bigger deal than Strasburg, Fernandez, Lincecum, or Kershaw. Not necessarily a better pitcher, mind you, but a bigger deal. You can see why, here. The fastball was punishing, and the curveball was silly. The Giants got a few good swings off him, but that's about it.

2. This guy

k guy

Just enjoyin' a game, runnin' around with a flappy K.

3. Hac-Man sitting in the dugout with his hat backwards because he's a bad ass.

hac man

4. The outro music at 23:50 is "Ghostbusters."

5. A younger Tim McCarver is somehow more charming
I'm pretty sure that listening to Harold Reynolds has rewired my brain when it comes to McCarver, though.

Key quote from the post-game wrap:

Gooden is now 36-12 in his career, which means that he's won three out of every four games he's started.

/nods sagely

6.Dwight Gooden was 20 and throwing a billion pitches and no one cared
That he threw the pitches isn't a favorite part, really. Just the appreciation of the different era. How's the 20-year-old kid doing out there, Skip?


Oh, yeah, he'll be fine in the ninth.

7. The promos


/turns on channel 9, just in case


You can't fool me this time, Soundwave.

8. This homemade sign


wait there's some space on the outside edges for you to fit some more crap in hey come back here

9. Watching dearly departed players doing some baseball things
Rest in peace Gary Carter, Jose Uribe, and Chris Brown. It's nice to watch them in their primes.

10. Greg Minton!
Rob Deer! Dan Gladden! Larry Bowa when he was my age oh god I'm going to die one day aren't I:


These were the players of my youth, the baseball cards strewn across my filthy room. Not sure if you'll have the same reaction, but if you're working and need something on in the background, this is pretty fantastic. Even if the Giants lose by a bunch.

At least it was to Gooden and not, I don't know, Bruce Berenyi.