Barry Bonds is very into the latest technology! How into it? Allow me to answer that question with this picture:
So naturally, Barry is on the Twitters. And he's technologically savvy enough to have figured out how to fave tweets, but cool enough that he's only got 10 favorites. This seems very important. We should probably go over them.
Climb the mountain so you can see the world, not so the world can see you.— Inspirational Quotes (@Inspire_Us) September 5, 2014
It's easy to judge this kind of thing, as I did when I saw it and will do again when I see someone else say or like something similar. But sometimes you have to remind yourself that athletes really like motivational quotes, because to be in the majors at all requires an incredible amount of determination, and to be an All-Star requires orders of magnitude more, and to be a Hall of Famer requires way more than that, and to be Barry Bonds takes more than the human body can handle. If this kind of quote helps even a little, then hell, go for it. I don't know how to be Barry Bonds, and I don't want to judge any Barry Bondses for the methods they use to get there.
@BarryBonds Gracias my bro!! See you soon in Cooperstown— Pedro Martinez (@45PedroMartinez) September 5, 2014
He complained a lot when the Hall of Fame displayed that stupid asterisk ball, and he's said publicly that if he doesn't get voted in then he doesn't care about the Hall of Fame, but Barry Bonds really wants to be in the Hall of Fame. And he's right. He should be. I would rather visit a Hall of Fame that has only inducted Barry Bonds than one that has many other great players but no Barry Bonds.
Kicking off a historic @49ers season with #SF legends @BarryBonds and @JoeMontana was just awesome. #MinaMoments pic.twitter.com/2fCRQsZBBQ— Michael Mina (@ChefMichaelMina) September 15, 2014
Even if Michael Mina is a warlock who somehow makes brussels sprouts taste like they weren't hand-delivered by Satan to Job for his most challenging test of faith, he must feel so lucky to be in this picture. That's Barry Bonds and Joe Montana. Barry Bonds and Joe Montana. And Barry faved it! Maybe Barry was just thinking "Anytime I'm in a picture with Joe Montana, that should be commemorated." Montana, sadly, did not fave it. Sorry, Mina. Can't have it all.
My mom and dad said the @49ers needed @BarryBonds to knock one out last night! pic.twitter.com/ccxkSGqJUq— Ronnie Lott (@RonnieLottHOF) September 16, 2014
And right after the Montana pic, we have one with Ronnie Lott's family. Did Barry know that it would be useless to fave any pictures he had with the families of current 49ers as they would all be retired within the year? Probably! Barry Bonds is very wise and all-knowing, at least according to the premise of this article.
Bar-ry Bar-ry Bar-Ry #SFGiants https://t.co/AEFfkzIeDp— San Francisco Giants (@SFGiants) October 16, 2014
Barry had knee surgery last year, but like hell was that going to stop him from throwing out the first pitch in the NLCS. YOU CAN'T RUIN EVERYTHING THIS TIME, JASON CHRISTIANSEN.
Thank you SF Fans. Love you and there is no place like home ⚾️@OctoberTogether @SFGiants. http://t.co/WtGP5kG2hw— Barry L Bonds (@BarryBonds) October 16, 2014
Barry Bonds gets to fave his own tweet, which is just a link to a video of people shouting his name. For the rest of us, the self-fave would perhaps be a crass masturbatory act, only to be used in case of an extremely noteworthy or important tweet, but everything Barry Bonds does or says is extremely noteworthy and important. Everything. The motion carries.
Score is still 1-0 here at AT&T Park in the bottom of the 5th @andrewsusac is up first for the #SFGiants— San Francisco Giants (@SFGiants) May 2, 2015
Okay, this one I don't get at all. Maybe Barry was incredibly enthusiastic about the Giants being ahead 1-0 heading to the fifth against the Angels, or maybe he's just an Andrew Susac superfan. And hey, everyone loves Andrew Susac! Well, maybe not connoisseurs of good mustaches, who swore an eternal vendetta against him and the entire city of Roseville, but everyone else. Also, I guess, not Hector Sanchez's mom. But, and I can't stress this enough, everyone else.
Congratulations @AROD on your 660 Homerun. My God Father Willie is very happy for you as well. pic.twitter.com/FEbLvbkcVD— Barry L Bonds (@BarryBonds) May 2, 2015
From one baseball pariah to another, congratulations. Barry understands that A-Rod is a great player whose accomplishments deserve to be celebrated, because watching people do amazing things is the entire point of sports. Sure, A-Rod's a total weirdo, but that doesn't negate his accomplishments or the sense of awe we get watching them. Pat Burrell was a weirdo too, you know, but he's not having strangers berate him, smack him around, or spit on him, though admittedly, there's a really good chance that Burrell would be super into all of that.
Video: (via https://t.co/DtCye51Tr4) http://t.co/46Nuc71N5m— TWENTY16 Sho-Air (@TeamTWENTY16) May 18, 2015
Since retiring from baseball, Barry has taken an interest in cycling. Good for him! Hobbies are pleasant. This is a four and a half minute video about a group training to make the US women's cycling team in the Olympics. I watched the video. It's not that interesting. Since Barry Bonds likes it, this opinion undoubtedly speaks to a flaw in my character that should be addressed as soon as possible.
Nothing worth having comes easy. #NBAFinals pic.twitter.com/nkOx6fEbly— Golden St. Warriors (@warriors) June 16, 2015
I seriously still can't believe the Warriors won the NBA Finals. Or that the Giants have won three World Series in five years. Or that this picture exists.
We are truly #blessed.