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Updating the biggest Giants stories of the first few months

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Also: the whole infield was good for a while, and then they kept being good

They call them skippers, but I've never seen them skip
They call them skippers, but I've never seen them skip
Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

Over the first few months of the Giants season, several storylines presented themselves. Maybe you remember them! Making stories out of small sample size flukes is a fun pastime that the whole family can enjoy. Let's see how some of the bigger Giants storylines from the beginning of the year have panned out.

Mediocre at home, great on the road

After winning at Dodger Stadium on June 20, a day chosen for maximum cherry-picking potential, the Giants were 21-14 on the road, and 17-18 at home. Oh, how people loved to talk about this. "They hate hitting at home!" they'd say. "AT&T's in their heads." But it turns out, hey, look, this was just a fluke. Since then, the Giants have gone 10-20 away from San Francisco, and 18-6 when they came back home. Their splits are now relatively normal: .593 winning percentage at home, and .477 on the road, so everyone's stopped talking about it. EVERYONE BUT ME, BECAUSE I LIKE IRRELEVANT MINUTIAE.

The Giants can't hit three run homers

Grant loved this one because it was so weird. The Giants hit multiple grand slams before hitting one measly three-run homer. As of July 2, the Giants had hit exactly one three-run homer. Since then, they've hit three more. Good job, Giants! They've also hit six grand slams, so the home run distribution is still weird, but it's getting less weird by the day. In my opinion, in order to make the statistics make more sense, the Giants should hit fourteen three-run homers on this next homestand. Doesn't that seem fair? I think it seems fair.

The delightful Matt Duffy and Chris Heston

At the beginning of the season, Chris Heston was very good, and Matt Duffy was Not Casey McGehee, so they were both godsends. Since then, Duffy's been great and Heston's been generally good, though the Giants think he's a little tired right now and have given him a breather. This "great rookies" trend has stayed remarkably consistent though. Score one for small sample size!

The Giants are incredibly streaky

Every week of this season, the Giants have gone either 6-1 or 1-5. Don't check those numbers. They're right. You can trust me because I write on the Internet.

Terrible facial hair

It ended. Thank God it ended. Why? Why were these ever a thing? (The first picture is low quality because it was difficult to find a good one, but THAT DOESN'T LET YOU OFF THE HOOK, SUSAC)

sustache

vogeybeard

lincecumstach

Tim Lincecum is back!

And hey, speaking of that last guy, he was seemingly undergoing a renaissance for a while. xFIP hated him all year for the first time ever, so of course he did an excellent job preventing runs from scoring until mid-May. And then, he, uh, didn't do such an excellent job preventing runs from scoring. Now Tim's hurt, and he won't come back until he can get a Zitonian "Thanks for the memories" appearance at home, which he deserves as much as anyone ever could.

Hunter Pence is hurt, but things will get better when he gets back

See, now we can add other guys to that list! Joe Panik, for example. Angel Pagan, if you think he will ever be healthy again. Tims Hudson and Lincecum, if you think the bullpen needs some guys who can pitch in blowouts. And, still, Hunter Pence. Miss you guys. I do have a minor request: if you could, please come back soon and save this team.

If not Pence, then Matt Cain and Jake Peavy will definitely fix everything when they return

Uh, Peavy's mostly looked good, though his fairy godmother turns him into a pumpkin in the seventh inning. Other than that, I don't want to talk about it.

Casey McGehee sure is bad

Casey McGehee continued being bad. The Giants DFA'd him, but then it turned out they didn't, so he came back, and then he was bad some more, and then they DFA'd him for realsies, so the Marlins picked him up, and then he was bad.

Ryan Vogelsong is awful

Ryan Vogelsong had a 9.31 ERA in April, conclusively proving that no matter why the Astros backed out of their deal at the last minute, they made the right call.

Ryan Vogelsong is good again

Ryan Vogelsong had a 1.14 ERA in May, conclusively proving that no matter why the Astros backed out of their deal at the last minute, they made the wrong call.

The Giants own the Dodgers (and, just for fun, Angels!)

The Giants are 9-3 against the Dodgers, and 3-0 against the Angels. In all, they're 12-3 against Los Angeles. THIS ONE WILL CONTINUE FOREVER AND NOTHING YOU SAY WILL EVER CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE