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Help a charity, play fantasy football with Hunter Pence

Hunter Pence, Brandon Crawford, Tim Hudson, and Matt Duffy want to humiliate you in fantasy football, and you should let them. For charity.

Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

Do you like fantasy football? Do you like telling people about your fantasy football teams, only to have them climb down fire escapes to get away from you? Well, here's your chance to start this year's fantasy football anecdote like this:

So I'm in a fantasy league with Hunter Pence, and ...

Oh? Those fancypantses are listening now. You bet they are. Pence is taking part in Adam Wainwright's Big League Impact charity this year, and with a tax-deductible donation, you can actually have a fantasy draft that people would want to hear about. Here's what you get if you register by Wednesday:

  • A spot in a fantasy football league with either Pence, Brandon Crawford, Tim Hudson, or Matt Duffy
  • Tickets to the game on Friday, August 28th
  • On-field access during batting practice

Here's what you would give up:

  • $2,000
  • Or $2,500 if you go halfsies with a co-owner

The money is tax-deductible and it's divvied up between the Big League Impact charity and a local charity to be determined. Here's the scoop from the official site:

Big League Impact is a 501(c)(3) organization that supports essential needs causes (e.g., food, water, shelter and other basic needs) domestically and abroad. Each of our events raises funds to support charitable causes locally, nationally, and internationally. Ballplayers in each city select charities to receive 75 percent of the net proceeds from their event, and the remaining 25 percent supports a collaborative project to provide food, water and shelter to an international community in need.

There are prizes if you're good at this stuff, which you probably are not. Last year's national winner got a trip to the 2015 All-Star Game, and this year's prizes include another trip to the All-Star Game, as well as a ski vacation to Vail. But you're going to draft Terrell Owens in the second round and screw everything up, aren't you?

Sorry. I'm projecting my own insecurities on you. I'm the one who's going to draft Owens. I'm legitimately terrible at fantasy football, and I'm going to be humiliating myself in one of these leagues, too, so if someone could email me everything I need to know by next Friday, that would be great.

As for Pence, he's an avid fantasy football player and has been for almost a decade. He has different leagues with his teammates and hometown friends, with two championships and quite a few second-place finishes. He also dropped two nuggets of wisdom about his experiences playing with his teammates over the years:

1. Sergio Romo might be his best fantasy football-playing teammate ("He makes the really gutsy draft picks ... and they pay off for him a lot."), but Crawford and Hudson also got a mention.

2. Ryan Theriot was almost certainly the worst fantasy football-playing teammate ("He just took anyone who was from LSU.")

Pence's sales pitch to you is that you're going to a) have fun in a fantasy football league with one of the Giants and b) literally save lives. Pretty, pretty compelling sales pitch, if you ask me.

Sign up here.

Have a fantasy league that is a conversation starter, not ender. Do it. Come on, do it.

Sign up here.

Do it. C'mon, do it.