Ruben Amaro: Hunter Cole.
Bobby Evans: No. Angel Villalona.
Evans: We done here?
Amaro: Wait! What about...Cole Hunter?
Evans: That's not a guy.
Evans: Maybe on the Padres.
You might be extremely worried about this trade.
More to the point, you might be worried about what kind of playing time Chase Utley will get. He's been very bad with the Phillies this year, and you could well be concerned that he will get lots of at bats even if he's very bad with the Giants. Let's go through the scenarios of what the Giants could have in mind as a role for Utley if they do acquire him:
Utley starts over an injured Joe Panik
Well, sure, that would be a good reason to get him. Do you want to rely on Ehire Adrianza? Probably not. He's fine as a backup, and as a starter, he'd make you wish for a Chase Utley-type. Where could the Giants get one of those?
In this scenario, if Utley is bad, the Giants can still start Adrianza, and all they really lose is whoever they give up. This is why I propose that the minor leaguer(s) the Giants give up for Chase Utley should be not that good. Man, I should really be a GM.
Chase Utley splits time at second with Joe Panik, who is healthy enough to start sometimes, but not necessarily full-time
Ignoring the implications for the future and pagany implications for the present that could well make Giants fans everywhere . . . wait for it . . . nervous about Panik's career, this also seems like it would be a decent reason to get Chase Utley. Jon Morosi stoked the flames for this one:
Chase Utley a good fit for #SFGiants roster. Joe Panik may not return until Sept. 1, and even then he may not be ready to play every day.— Jon Morosi (@jonmorosi) August 12, 2015
Now, Morosi isn't saying this is certain, only that it's a possibility. So don't worry, there's no need to . . . wait for it . . . freak out just yet. But if this is the case, then this is a pretty similar situation to the one above. Ehire Adrianza should not be Plan B for a team trying to make the playoffs, Kelbymania has died down, and there isn't anyone else. Do you want to see Kevin Frandsen or Nick Noonan getting major league innings at second? Because to me, that seems like a panic move.
Utley starts over a healthy Joe Panik
Question from the back? I wasn't taking questions, but sure, why not?
Oh, no I was done with that last one. Did...did you think there was more to it? There wasn't. For all the talk of Bruce Bochy going into Private Browsing mode in Internet Explorer 8 late at night and Google Image searching "baseball veterans," he's mostly just loyal to his starters. And there's every reason to think he wants to keep Joe Panik in the lineup, since not only is Panik the present and future of second base, he's also a dang World Series hero (I know you didn't need the link to know what I'm talking about, but on the other hand, why not watch it again?) and Bochy took him to the All-Star Game. Bruce Bochy thinks very highly of Joe Panik. Chase Utley, especially the beat-up Jeter-at-the-end version that you might think the Giants would get, will not start over a healthy Joe Panik. He just won't.
Utley plays first base, Belt plays left field
This also comes from Jon Morosi, and it's important to note that he speculated it before Aoki's concussion symptoms recurred:
Once Panik returns, #SFGiants could go with Utley at 1B, Panik at 2B, and Belt in LF. Belt has 10 starts there this year. (Aoki back now.)— Jon Morosi (@jonmorosi) August 12, 2015
This is nothing. Do you think this is a legitimate rumor? This is not a legitimate rumor. Even a healthy Nori Aoki would not start in center field, which we know because there were two games when Aoki was healthy and Justin Maxwell played center field. Ignore this. If I weren't so confident that you'd already seen this tweet elsewhere and assumed it was possibly something the Giants want to do, I would have omitted it because this is an idea about as relevant to the 2015 Giants as "What if Hitler were actually an immortal werewolf?" It would be bad if that happened, but it sure is neat to think about!
Utley goes into the bullpen
There's no reason to think that the Giants would put Chase Utley in the bullpen, but this scenario would allow Internet commenters to call the Giants stupid, so even if they're not considering it, we probably should.
Trade for Utley as a pure bench bat
Even assuming everyone comes back healthy, the Giants don't want to go into a possible postseason berth with a bench of Maxwell, Susac, Adrianza, and Pagan/Blanco/AAA outfielder. They want another threat, and since there are plenty of off days in the playoffs, they could easily drop a member of the bullpen (NOBODY LOOK AT YUSMEIRO DON'T MAKE IT WEIRD) to put one more bat on the bench. This scenario assumes Panik comes back healthy relatively soon, and it also assumes Utley waives his no-trade clause to sit on the bench, which are both iffy assumptions. Which is why I have one more possibility . . .
The Giants will talk to Utley before the trade, and say that he'll be the starter when Panik isn't in there, and whenever Panik comes back Utley will be mostly on the bench, and if that's not the scenario Utley is looking for then no hard feelings, they won't make the trade, and best of luck to him next year
Ha ha, why would we assume people in sports are grownups? What a stupid idea. I just wasted a lot of endangered large-font type. Sorry.