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Where do you want Michael Morse to end up?

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A thought experiment

He was fun
He was fun
John Rieger-USA TODAY Sports

You are the emperor of the baseball universe. Congratulations! It's quite the accomplishment. But sadly, there's also a baseball congress and a baseball parliament and a baseball president and a baseball hegemon and a baseball pope and a baseball anti-pope, so your powers are somewhat limited. The political structure of the baseball universe is very complicated. It is so complicated, in fact, that you only have direct authority over one thing: where Michael Morse plays next.

You have also had some input into the results of some recent World Series, so try not to complain too much.

Michael Morse is a beloved hero in San Francisco who last year became close friends with similarly beloved hero Hunter Pence, hit a game-tying homer in the deciding game of the NLCS, and drove in the winning run in Game 7 of the World Series. Last year, he was an excellent hitter and a terrible defender; this year has been similar, except for the hitting.

Morse will be traded by the Marlins to the Braves today, or maybe he already was, or maybe he was traded to the Dodgers yesterday, or maybe he'll be a Twin tomorrow. I don't know, man, there have been a lot of conflicting reports. But! As you are the emperor of baseball, you get to decide where he goes. Presumably you're rooting for him to succeed because if you're not then you're a heartless jerk who I don't want to know. I'm going to be extremely generous and assume no one like that is reading. This is quite possibly the kindest compliment you will receive all day.

Here are the guidelines, as I see them:

1. You want Morse to do well

2. You do not want Morse's success to negatively impact the Giants

3. You do not want Morse on the Giants

4. You do not want Morse to be on a team that's gross

Maybe you disagree with one of these guidelines. Great! Feel free to put Michael Morse on the Giants, even though he has no place on the team and he's been awful this year. He might rebound. He might not. You don't have the kind of power to decide that, but if you want him to come back, well hey, you're the emperor.

If it were up to me, though, I'd say that Morse play for the Orioles. He would play for a good manager on a team that's been good for a few years, where he could step in as the DH and theoretically contribute immediately. Sure, Morse has been bad this year, but since he came off the DL in early July his offensive numbers have been adequate, which would be a big upgrade for Baltimore. And most importantly, we already know the man looks damn good in orange and black, so the aesthetics are covered.

If you'd prefer him to be on another team, that's great! There are no wrong answers here. Except for the Dodgers. And the Cardinals. And the Braves, Diamondbacks, Marlins, and A's. And the Giants are out too, of course. But that's it, except for the Yankees and Red Sox and Angels. That's it.

Still, the question remains: where would you like Michael Morse to play? Use your power wisely, for you have so, so much of it.