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Who could the Giants call up to help in the outfield?

Spoiler: Ugghhhhhh

Look at that smile! What a pleasant young man.
Look at that smile! What a pleasant young man.
Matt Kartozian-USA TODAY Sports

Perhaps you've noticed that multiple starting Giants outfielders are on the DL because they got hit by pitches. If not, that's okay; it's flown under the radar a little bit. As to the reasons that NL pitchers can't stop injuring Giants by throwing baseballs at them, I haven't heard anyone say it's jealousy of all the World Series rings. Not one single writer or player has gone on the record to say each of the guilty pitchers wishes they had the feeling of having won several championships, and was acting out based on poor impulse control. Maybe it's true. Maybe not. Not for us to judge.

But the Giants need help in the outfield! And it turns out that they have a farm system, and there are lots of outfielders in that farm system. Could any of them help out if called up? Let's go through the possibilities.

Juan Perez – No. Good God, no. He's like the anti-Matt Duffy, because he just woke up one day and said to himself, "Hey, what if I was just terrible at everything now? That'd be fun, right?" He's had the concentration of Manny Ramirez in the outfield, but at least he makes up for that by swinging the bat like Calvin Murray. If that doesn't convince you, he's also on the minor league DL, and having seen him in the game where he got hurt, it's probably real and not just a we-need-roster-space-and-minor-leaguers-don't-have-a-union-so-suck-it move.

Perez is a plus-plus autograph signer in Sacramento, though, so at least he's making me feel bad for saying accurate things about how he's played this year. That's worth something!

Jarrett Parker – You did see where I said "help," right? Remember how when he was on the roster, he wasn't good enough to be on the roster? Yeah. Hasn't really changed.

Brett Jackson – Just a few short years ago, Brett Jackson was a top prospect for the Cubs In March of 2012, then-manager Dale Sveum called him "major league ready," though Jackson spent a lot of the year in the minors. Unfortunately, his high swing-and-miss rate meant he never hit well enough to stick, despite having more tools than Home Depot, assuming it's a really crappy Home Depot that only has, like, two tools. If the Giants want a guy who can field but isn't much of a hitter, they're gonna have some 'splainin' to do to Jarrett Parker.

They, uh, probably don't want that.

Darren Ford – If the Giants want a guy who can field but isn't much of a hitter, they're gonna have some 'splainin' to do to Jarrett Parker and Brett Jackson.

They, uh, probably don't want that.

Ryan Lollis – Ryan Lollis is having a good season in the minor leagues. Good for you, Lolly! Rumor is that Ryan Lollis is also a pleasant person, which is just swell! On the field, he plays good defense, doesn't strike out a whole lot, and has been excellent at three levels this year. The downside to him is that he's been inconsistent in the minors, following a good 2012 year with an okay 2013 and a disastrous 2014. And the organization doesn't seem to believe in him either; Lollis tends to just go where there's room with no regard for his development. This isn't a criticism because I haven't scouted him, but the Giants must have seen something they don't like.

Adam Duvall – If the Giants want to play a guy who started off hot and has since cooled down horribly in part because he strikes out constantly, well, they already have a Justin Maxwell, thank you. Duvall is also not really an outfielder, though he's played a couple games in left field this year just for funsies. But Duvall's been in a horrific slump for Sacramento recently, hitting .168/.244/.280 with three homers over the last month. Even if you just want another bench bat, right now Adam Duvall is not the answer.

Kevin Frandsen – He played some outfield last year. He would be a pleasant, inoffensive choice who we could easily root for based on nostalgia. He would also probably be very bad, and a few weeks after he got called up to the Giants, he'd be unceremoniously DFA'd. Still, uh, he probably wouldn't be worse than Joaquin Arias, and he can even play outfield. I mean, he has played outfield. I can't vouch for how good he is out there.

John Bowker – He's not even with the Giants organization anymore. If you're wondering, "Wait, he was back with the Giants organization this year?" then CONGRATULATIONS! You have successfully guessed the motto of the 2015 Sacramento River Cats. Please enjoy this complimentary Guillermo Quiroz.

Daniel Carbonell – *laughs so hard my stomach escapes my body through my mouth and achieves sentience just so it can laugh too*

Mac Williamson – Just because jumping straight from AA to the majors worked for Matt Duffy and Pablo Sandoval, that doesn't mean it'll work every time. And Williamson doesn't have a lot of time above A-ball, and while he's been an excellent all-around player for Richmond, he HEY STOP THAT YOU'RE MENTALLY CALLING HIM UP RIGHT NOW YOU CUT THAT OUT MAC WILLIAMSON'S DEVELOPMENT IS A PRECIOUS SNOWFLAKE AND IT COULD MELT IT COULD MELT IN YOUR WARM GRUBBY HAND. YOU LET HIM FALL TO THE GROUND AND BLOSSOM INTO A SNOW TREE THAT GROWS SNOW AND THEN THERE WILL BE LOTS OF SNOW.

In conclusion, I am a spoiled Californian who doesn't know how snow works.