On Tuesday night, amid the pandemonium of the WARRIORS WINNING THE NBA FINALS, there was a short Twitter conversation about which of the NBA Champion Warriors matched up well with various World Series Champion Giants. Then in the comments of the last post, a valued commenter asked for the same thing. This is clearly Internet content you crave. This is Internet content you deserve.
So here's the definitive guide to which Giants player from the three championships is most analogous to the players on the Golden State Warriors, who just won the NBA Finals.
Remember: This is definitive. Please don't discuss this or bring up alternative selections below.
Shaun Livingston = Ryan Vogelsong
Visitor from the future: Not only does Shaun Livingston play basketball again, but he helps the Warriors win a championship in eight years.
You in 2007: Oh, sure, sure. I believe you.
Visitor from the future: And Ryan Vogelsong doesn't just return from Tommy John surgery, he travels the world and then helps the Giants win two championships. The last two, I mean. After the first one.
You in 2007: Right. Mmm-hmmmm.
Visitor from the future: /licks toad
Visitor from the future: Oh, don't worry, this isn't a hallucinogenic toad. He's just a friend. The licking soothes him. Also, everything I just told you actually happens.
Klay Thompson = Brandon Belt
They make very odd people very irate, even when they're outstanding contributors. Also, they both seem like the most likely members of their respective teams to do this:
Harrison Barnes = Brandon Crawford
Both of these handsome fellers were projected to be huge prospects coming out of college, but they were initial disappointments before becoming solid contributors who keep making a bigger name for themselves.
Also, Barnes is a huge Game of Thrones nerd, and Crawford looks like someone in the background of a Castle Black scene.
Andre Iguodala = Hunter Pence
If they're the best player on your team, forget it. If they're surrounded by other talent, you'll be amazed at how much you'll love watching them play. Both of them are goofy, lovable bastards, too.
Andrew Bogut = Tim Lincecum
Bogut against the Pelicans, Grizzlies, and Rockets was Lincecum in 2010. Everything would have been ruined if he didn't play.
Bogut against the Cavaliers was Lincecum in 2014. Didn't play an important part, but he got to smile just as wide as every other person on the team, and he's endeared themselves to us forever.
Draymond Green = Madison Bumgarner
This one's a little tricky, considering that Green is a talker and Bumgarner has said seven words since being drafted (with two of them being "sandwich me"), but stay with me. Both of them would bite the nose off an opponent if the rules allowed it. Both of them are insanely valuable, even if it took a long time for the rest of the world to catch on. Both of them are quick with the razor-sharp dry humor. Both of them are still waiting for their first no-hitter.
Also, both of them are incredibly awesome. Feels like that's getting overlooked.
Leandro Barbosa = Andres Torres
SLOW THE HELL DOWN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING oh hey that was awesome thanks for that.
David Lee = Barry Zito
Former All-Stars who weren't what they once were, but can still contribute if the team needs them to. Both of them can afford a bigger TV than me. Lee didn't have a specific Game 5 moment like Zito, but he Warriors were usually doing good things when he was on the court, even if they weren't entirely because of him.
Justin Holiday = Brandon Hicks
Forgotten at the end, but they really helped out for a while. Part of a balanced bench.
Festus Ezeli = Yusmeiro Petit
Unexpected help when it's needed the most. My favorite play of the Finals that didn't involve a very long three-pointer was Ezeli's dunk:
My favorite individual accomplishment of the 2014 postseason run that didn't involve a very long dinger or Madison Bumgarner was Petit in the 18-inning game against the Nationals. I have high hopes for both of them going forward, and that isn't something I would have imagined writing two years ago.
James McAdoo = Brett Bochy
Fringe players with a famous relative. They have a very outside chance at a long career, but that doesn't mean they're not without their interesting attributes.
Brandon Rush = Marco Scutaro (2014 version)
Supremely likable guys who were a pleasure to watch before the injuries. While it's a little sad they're not what they once were, at least they each got a ring in that final season with the team.
Ognjen Kuzmic = Gary Brown
Kuzmic played 2.7 minutes in the 2014 Playoffs. I don't remember that.
Brown got an at-bat against the Nationals in the NLDS. I don't remember that.
Marreese Speights = Santiago Casilla
You don't really notice him until he's screwing up, but he's usually doing something pretty good when you aren't paying that much attention. He was erratic for a while, but he sure found a home with this Bay Area sports team, alright.
Rick Barry = Brian Wilson
I know you were cool back when you helped out with that first championship but shhhhhhhhhhhh please shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh stop talking shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why are your lips still moving shhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Kent Bazemore = Clay Hensley
They seem fun, and I wanted a reason to use this GIF:
Don Nelson = Dusty Baker
Oh, the fun we had. But, uh, I'll be over here seeing if the new guy wants me to make him something to eat or carry his luggage. It's not you, it's me.
Steve Kerr = Bruce Bochy
They coach good and stuff.
Steph Curry = Buster Posey
The most obvious of them all. Put it like this: Fans of other teams think they have really good players. They love those players and enjoy them, and they're so sure that they have the very best players to watch.
We can laugh at those people and look down on them.
Congratulations, Warriors! Congratulations, Giants! Congratulations, you! Everything sure is a lot of fun today.