We're just a couple years removed from The Great All-Star Ballot Controversy that you're right to barely remember. The year was 2012 or 2013 or something, and a lot of Giants were getting more All-Star votes than some folks thought they deserved. They were picking on Pablo Sandoval and Brandon Crawford for some reason, and I think it was Mets fans who were the most upset because of David Wright or something. Everyone was very, very mad. Or something.
This, then, is a guide to just how homer-iffic your Giants All-Star votes are. I remember casting votes for Glenallen Hill back in the day, and I smiled the whole time. Voting like a homer is your right, if not your duty. But if you're torn between the idea of being a homer and being a Good Baseball Fan who chooses his or her All-Star team with a respect for the "history" of the game, this guide will help.
Here are all the Giants players on the All-Star Game ballot, with your vote for them ranked on a total-homer scale of 1 to 10. Which number is which? Well, you'll know after the first one.
Catcher - Buster Posey
Homer value: 1
As in, when some random dude in Wisconsin logs on to vote, he'll start with Buster Posey. If you go by 2015 production, it's Posey. If you go by career value, it's Posey. If you go by star power, it's Posey. If you go by dreamy eyes and soothing mannerisms, it's Posey. There's literally no reason to vote for anyone else, unless you're a homer for another team. He will probably lead the National League in voting, and then he will fight Galactus with Steph Curry in an upcoming issue, if not real life.
First base - Brandon Belt
Homer value: 8
Belt is having a fine season, and his turnaround has been remarkable. That written, both Paul Goldschmidt and Anthony Rizzo have been almost twice as valuable, and Adrian Gonzalez has the star résumé. If Belt had two Mays, he would be an easy vote. He had just one May, and he combined it with an April that was sorta dooky.
And if the Giants from the '50s and '60s had two Mays, they would have won four in five years.
Second base - Joe Panik
Homer value: 5
After Dee Gordon, there's a scrum of pretty okay second basemen that Panik slots nicely in with, from Kolten Wong to Jace Peterson. But Gordon is leading the league in average and hits, and this is the second year he's been a surprisingly valuable player, so it's not like he's an April All-Star only.
On the other hand, you're excused for voting for Panik just because he's still just as good as he was last year, which a lot of us weren't expecting.
Shortstop - Brandon Crawford
Homer value: 2
First in WAR. First in our hearts.
We've reached maximum Crawford. pic.twitter.com/6NFD3fOd49— Grant Brisbee (@mccoveychron) April 27, 2015
He's hitting the ball better than any other shortstop, and he's still an outstanding fielder. This might be the year he makes the team as a starter, even, though he would have to hit .000 for his next 100 at-bats for Bruce Bochy not to select him. Maybe sneak into his house and replace all of his best wines with opened bottles of Charles Shaw. There are ways he doesn't make the All-Star team, but it would be quit the upset, considering who gets to pick the team.
Third base - Casey McGehee
Homer value: ∆∞
I don't know if that equation fits or is the exact opposite of what I'm trying to say, but at least I've found the option key on my computer. ´πª•¶ƒ¨ˆ.
Also, I saw this GIF around the Internet recently and thought, "I should find a use for this." And here we are, using it because it sort of fits somehow, in some unknown way.
Mostly, though, I don't want to be mean.
Outfield #1 - Norichika Aoki
Homer value: 6
He's actually not that far from the third-best outfielder in WAR, Giancarlo Stanton, which highlights just how silly early-season WAR totals can be. Or maybe it highlights just how good Aoki has really been. Still, this isn't the Photogenic Outfielder All-Star Game. Because if it were, well ...
Outfield #2 - Angel Pagan
Homer value: 5
See above. Pagan has been excellent, but he probably hasn't been one of the three best outfielders in the National League. If you're voting for him here, you're being a homer, but it's not like you're voting for Casey McGehee. Pagan is also very enjoyable when viewed as the subject of a still photograph.
Outfield #3 - Hunter Pence
Homer value: 8
See above and above, except this guy has barely played. He's more of a star than the other two, but there's no rational reason to vote for him, just the irrational reasoning of a fan. He is also enjoyable when viewed as the subject of a still photograph.
This whole outfield, man.
Really, I'm for them all making the All-Star team together, or not at all.
There you go. Vote for Buster Posey and Brandon Crawford because the rest of the country is anyway. Vote for the rest because you're a homer, just as long as you know you're being a homer. Most importantly, don't break your laptop when you're stuffing that ballot box. We are not responsible for any damages.