Baseball! We get Giants baseball today! And in honor of that fact, let's see what major league teams have ex-Giants on them! It's important to do this now because it's possible some of these players won't be in the majors for too long this year, so they've got to get their accolades while they can.
Diamondbacks - None. Bye, Cody! I hope you get picked up by a team I don't hate and you do well!
Rockies - LaTroy Hawkins. Nothing has ever given me more undeserved pride than an interview Hawkins gave once where, asked to clarify an earlier interview where he called out a fanbase for being racist and terrible but didn't say which fanbase it was, he went out of his way to say it wasn't the Giants and Giants fans were great to him. Yeah! Yeah, those are people who root for the same team I do! Woo hoo!
Dodgers - Juan Uribe. This is going to be Uribe's fifth year with the Dodgers. That's a lot of years! Good for him. I hope his team is awful.
Padres - None today, though check in tomorrow, because who the hell knows?
Cubs - None. I was really hoping Nate Schierholtz would develop into a superstar with them, too.
Reds - Chris Dominguez. CHRIS DOMINGUEZ? Jesus Christ, how terrible are the Reds that Chris Dominguez made the team? They're my pick for "Least likely to win a single game this year."
Brewers - None.
Pirates - None, since Francisco Liriano never appeared in the majors with the Giants. It's just as well. The fights we would have had over him would make the Belt Wars look like an episode of Step by Step. There's a little conflict which leads to a misunderstanding, but in the end we all learn a valuable lesson.
Cardinals - None. Gary Brown will make an appearance by the end of the year though. Just you wait.
Braves - [Sigh]. AJ Pierzynski was, technically, a Giant. And I don't like it any more than you do, but I can't exclude him just because he was a colossal dick. That would just be so incredibly petty, and I like to think I'm above that.
Marlins - Michael Morse! Hi, Mike! You were really fun. I hope you do well in Miami. Have fun hittin' them dingers (Suck it, AP)
Mets - None.
Phillies - Jerome Williams, Jeff Francoeur. FRENCHYYYYYYYYYY. He was the inspiration for this entire post, you know. Actually, that sells him short. He is simply an inspiration.
Nationals - Dan Uggla! Uggla and Francoeur back to back! The NL East is a GIFT, I tell you. A gift.
Astros - None
Angels - None, but I appreciate that mlb.com is ready for them to change their name back to the Anaheim Angels. Just look at the URL:
It's kinda bizarre. It's not like the Nationals' code is still MON. The Marlins' code is already MIA. And yet here we are, clinging to the glory days of Garrett Anderson. Gotta be prepared!
Athletics - Dan Otero. You know, his FIP with the Giants was 2.77. SHOULD OF KEPT NOTHING GOOD HAS HAPPENED SINCE THEY LOST HIM ON WAIVERS.
Mariners - None! Not even Willie Bloomquist.
Rangers - None. You know, I really thought more teams would have at least one.
White Sox - Conor Gillaspie, Melky Cabrera. Did Gillaspie learn to throw the ball all the way to first base? That is BULLSHIT.
Indians - Scott Atchison. When will Grant admit that he picked the wrong side in the great Scott Atchison/Dan Giese war of 2007? WHEN?
Tigers - Joe Nathan, Rajai Davis. And speaking of current Tigers pitchers who were involved in terrible Giants trades during the Edgardo Alfonzo Era, they also have Alfredo Simon! He came over from the Phillies in the Ricky Ledee deal. Simon never pitched for the Giants in the majors. He is known as "the useful part" of that deal.
Royals - Despite the fact that they have both Omar Infante and Alex Rios, somehow, none.
Twins - None
Orioles - None
Rays - None, though the Giants almost traded for David DeJesus one time, which almost counts!
Yankees - Carlos Beltran. When he was healthy on the Giants, he was actually really good. Fans often take that into account when deciding whether to heckle him.
Blue Jays - None
Red Sox - None. Nope. None at all