The five best Giants games in Coors Field history

Welcome to Coors Field. Have a seat. Here are toothpicks to prevent your eyelids from closing. Strap yourself in this chair. Welcome to Coors Field. Hope you brought a bullpen.

I'm working on a screenplay in which the Giants are playing in Coors Field for eternity without realizing they're dead and being punished for their hubris. Until then, here is a preview of the Giants' first series in Colorado, a place where things generally haven't gone well.

Except, maybe that's overblown. Maybe my hyperbole is leaking all over the place. Here's the Giants' actual record in Denver each season since the Rockies came into the league.

	W	L
1993	6	1
1994	2	1
1995	2	5
1996	2	4
1997	2	3
1998	2	4
1999	3	3
2000	1	6
2001	4	5
2002	6	4
2003	3	6
2004	6	4
2005	5	4
2006	3	6
2007	4	5
2008	4	5
2009	3	6
2010	4	5
2011	6	3
2012	7	2
2013	3	7
2014	4	5

Not exactly good. Not necessarily an annual horror show, though. They're 20-17 since Major League Baseball started keeping better tabs on the humidor, you know, which is weird and probably a coincidence, you know correlation doesn't mean causation, they're also 20-17 since Tangled was released, and that doesn't mean anything, probably a coincidence, don't worry about it. Yet even though the Giants haven't been that awful for the last four or five years apart from 2013, when we think of Coors Field, a picture comes into our heads.

Well, I didn't mean for you to be so literal, but yeah. That's what most of us think when the words "Coors Field" and "Giants" get mixed in the martini shaker of our brains. Also, there's a fingernail in the martini. It's not yours.

So my job here is to remember the very best games in Coors Field. Let us remember the happy times, in which the Giants did good things and exorcised their thin-aired demons instead of exercised them. It's possible, you know.

5. Fred Lewis hits for the cycle, Giants win 15-2

The lineup for this game:

Fred Lewis - CF
Omar Vizquel - SS
Pedro Feliz - 3B
Ryan Klesko - 1B
Mark Sweeney - LF
Eliezer Alfonzo - C
Dan Ortmeier - RF
Kevin Frandsen - 2B

Don't sleep on that defensive outfield. Ortmeier was pretty solid, if I remember correctly, but the Giants decided to start Mark Sweeney and Fred Lewis in left and center, respectively, because they felt it gave them the best chance to win. Or something. It didn't matter. Lewis went 5-for-6, drove in four, and scored three runs.

There's no video, but there is this:

And there's a picture of him making this face:

That'll do for now. I miss that guy.

4. Barry Bonds hits several baseballs far

This should probably be #1, but I have jokes to make. In this game, Barry Bonds hit three home runs and passed Roger Maris for third-place on the all-time single-season dinger leaderboard. There's no video because the Internet is still just the dust jacket on the book about baseball, but they were all hit really, really, really far.

Bonds was a total dick about the whole thing, of course:

''I've been in disbelief over a lot of things I've done this year,'' Bonds admitted. ''Everything is unreal. That was fun today, but not as much fun as J.T. winning it for us.''

The date: September 9, 2001. Oh, to live in the days when people thought Barry Bonds was America's biggest problem.

3. Matt Cain

Finally, something with video.

Almost had to use nothing but my words. Can you imagine?

Cain took a no-hitter into the eighth inning, but this game was more than just a Coors win or a great outing from a fan favorite. The win moved the Giants a half-game in front of the Padres for first place in the NL West. This was the oh-for-San Francisco Giants, mind you. We couldn't even dream of the postseason going our way; we had to start with our team winning the division against the Padres, first.

In the same season as this game, the Giants won more World Series games at AT&T Park than the Rockies ever have in Coors Field. Amazing, but true.

2. Barry Zito

In 2012, the Giants started the season by getting swept in Arizona. This was following 2011, that miserable stain of a season, and there were so many things we didn't know. Would the Giants hit? Would Buster Posey be okay? That opening sweep was so discouraging, and then the Giants had to go into Coors Field. The only thing we knew was that Barry Zito in Coors was going to be an automatic four-game losing streak to start the season.

It worked out! It was Zito's best start as a Giant, in the most unlikely place, at one of the very best times. In the same season as this game, the Giants won more World Series games at AT&T Park than the Rockies ever have in Coors Field. Amazing, but true.

1. Literally just last year

Any of the last three should be here in the top spot, but I wanted to write "In the same season as this game, the Giants won more World Series games at AT&T Park than the Rockies ever have in Coors Field. Amazing, but true" in this one and have it all sequential.

There might have been a better game in Coors Field in 2014:

But that was when the Giants couldn't lose. There was a sense of inevitability with the team then. When the Giants limped into this September game at Coors and got down 6-0, it was going to be one of those games. Then after the Giants actually scored a run, the Rockies took it right back, and it was 7-1 going into the fifth.

On an 0-2 count with two outs, this happened:

The Giants, who came into the game just a game-and-a-half over the Brewers for the top wild card spot, exploded in the seventh.

It became enough of a blowout for Bruce Bochy to bring his son into the game. It was one of my favorite games of the season for several reasons.

In the same season as this game, the Giants won more World Series games at AT&T Park than the Rockies ever have in Coors Field. Amazing, but true.

So it doesn't have to be misery at Coors. There can be fun times, too. Won't you remember the fun times, tonight, when the Rockies are forcing a reliever to throw 30 pitches in an inning and make you bite your nails down to the bone?

You will not. Heck, I'll forget about this whole thing five minutes after I publish it. But trust me, there have been good games at Coors Field, even if it never feels like it.