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San Francisco Giants Link Dump, 4/2

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This is what happens when you link a stranger in the dumps!

Now imagine a bullpen cart blasting El Mechon when he comes in, and you see why this needs to happen
Now imagine a bullpen cart blasting El Mechon when he comes in, and you see why this needs to happen
Ed Szczepanski-USA TODAY Sports

Did I get you with my April Fool's prank yesterday? It was pretty complex and well thought out. Don't feel bad if you fell for it. Happens to the best of us.

MLB - Should MLB bring back bullpen carts?
YES. OH GOD YES. THERE ARE SO MANY ADVANTAGES, WHICH I WILL LIST HERE:

1. You could put decals on them!
2. Hiring a bullpen cart driver would be good for the economy
3. Different teams could get different models, and then fans could argue over which model is the best, because that's the bullpen cart that represents an entire fanbase, so it had better be up to snuff.
4. It might save a little time or whatever

This is an investment worth making!

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2015 CFBBQ Season Previews: San Francisco Giants
Other sites might preview baseball teams with "numbers" or "facts" or some crap, but it takes true vision to look at teams using the most pertinent information: what words sound like players' names. On the one hand, it is very sad that Joaquin Arias isn't a starter, as everyone's life gets exponentially better every time they see the phrase "Walking Hairy Ass." On the other hand, no one wants to see Joaquin Arias start, so it all works out.

Also, in the haiku section, "Even year champions" is six syllables and I demand my money back.

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Jose Mijares suspended 50 games for a drug of abuse
Hey, remember Jose Mijares? If it helps jog your memory, he didn't like smelling other people's farts. There, that should help him stand out. Well, anyway, ol' Jose got himself suspended for using a drug that was not performance-enhancing. Was there a justification for that that I missed? Or was it just Helen Lovejoy yelling "Think of the CHILDREN!"?

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The MLBPA Has a Problem
We all became painfully aware this spring that Kris Bryant has some massive holes in his game that can only be fixed through two weeks of playing minor league baseball. But the less generous interpretation favored by a lunatic fringe – that the Cubs are manipulating Bryant's service time in order to control him for another year, as if a sports team that makes millions of dollars a year would ever do something unethical – got Fangraphs's Nathaniel Grow thinking about how baseball player salaries have declined as a portion of revenue. Man, it's weird how all that new TV money isn't going to the players. I wonder who's profiting off it...

SMASH CUT TO: Larry Baer eating a sandwich made out of $100 bills.

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Geracie: Me, my boy and the bond of baseball
This is a very nice article, and I enjoy it quite a bit, and as a show of respect I am using all my self-control to not write 40 sentences of the following: "Fathers. Sons. Baseball. America's pastime. The boys of summer. Childhood. Parenthood. Innocence. Vote Eisenhower."