Should Giants fans root for the Mets or Royals?

I don't know, figure it out yourself.

Sorry, sorry, I'm just jealous and bitter because I've spent a month watching baseball games that have nothing to do with the Giants. Look at all those teams having fun. Either the Royals or Mets are going to win the World Series, and they're going to have a parade, and it's going to be so much fun, everyone.

As Giants fans, we need to know how this relates to us. It's only important if important people are caring about it, and there isn't anyone more important than Giants fans, so let's dig in. Should Giants fans root for the Royals or the Mets? We have some categories to help sort this out:

Ex-Giants

We've covered this here, and the Royals don't have any ex-Giants. Like, at all. Which seems hard to do! They should be starting Kevin Pucetas in Game 1, really.

The Mets, though, have Juan Uribe. He's been hurt for the entire postseason so far, but he could be coming back. Even if he isn't on the roster, he'll still be looking to be a part of history:

juan uribe could become 4th in expansion era to win ring w/3 different teams. (jack morris, dave stewart, lonnie smith)

— Jon Heyman (@JonHeymanCBS) October 24, 2015

Wow. He'll be in the dugout, at least.

#Mets working out at Citi Field. David Wright struggling to take ground balls without laughing. Juan Uribe keeps patting him on the rump.

— Anthony DiComo (@AnthonyDiComo) October 24, 2015

That's Our Uribe! And, really, any mention of Uribe comes with memories of his opposite-field homer in Philadelphia or ninth-inning jazz hands against Jonathan Broxton. It also makes me think of his NLDS-winning homer against the Dodgers, which reminds me that's the greatest Dodgers postseason moment of the last 25 years, and it wouldn't even crack the sweet-16 of happy fun Giants postseason moments from the last six years.

The Mets have a huge advantage.

Contributions to recent pain

Ah, but the tables have turned in this category. Here, come closer, I want to whisper something to you. Closer ... closer ... closer ...

Bobby Jones

Gaaaaahhhhh, and you just dropped whatever you were holding, and it shattered everywhere. Sorry about that.

Against the best offense the Giants might ever have, Bobby Jones threw a one-hit shutout. He allowed nine runs in the nine postseason innings he threw for the rest of his career. He lost 19 games the next season. His ERA was never below 5.00 again, and it wasn't in that 2000 season, either.

Then there was that stupid part where they ruined the J.T. Snow homer.

Oh, man, Benny Agbayani.

But we showed them by signing Edgardo Alfonzo. Later, suckers!

By contrast, the Royals were present for some of the very best postseason memories in Giants history. They did Madison Bumgarner some favors by swinging aggressively at just about everything he threw. These guys, man ... they get it, you know? They know how to keep the Giants happy.

On the other side is Bobby Freaking Jones.

Mascots

The Mets have a horrible, creepy, anthropomorphic baseball, and the Royals have a sea monkey/lion combo. They're all awful, and so are mascots. No one wins this category.

Anything related to Dodger hate?

There sure is! For one, the Mets broke the Dodgers' hearts this year, and that should be rewarded. In applied behavior analysis, they call this "reinforcement," and if the Mets win the World Series, it would ostensibly make other teams more likely to crush the Dodgers in the future. That just makes sense.

For another, the Royals basically stole the Dodgers' entire getup. The color is a little different, but only by the slimmest of margins. The outright theft of the logo is harder to forgive:

It was four o'clock on the Friday before a three-day weekend, and the Royals needed a logo. "Uhhhhh .... uhhhhhhh ...." said the graphic designer. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

If you root for the Royals, you're basically rooting for the Bases Loaded Dodgers team that couldn't secure the MLB license. Either way, the important thing to remember is that both teams haven't won since the Dodgers have, but one of them will. Which pushes the Dodgers back another slot in the championship-drought rankings.

Either way is fine, really.

Miscellaneous

Don't the Royals just kind of ... bug you, though? Here, look at Mike Moustakas:

I have nothing against the guy! It just seems like every Royals player is making that face, forever and ever, and they're making it at you. Did you see how Yordano Ventura walked off the mound after every inning in Game 6? It was almost awesome, but he didn't do it for my favorite team, so I hated it.

The Mets on the other hand have some lovable chaps. Yoenis Cespedes is a delight, as is Curtis Granderson. David Wright likes to stick his tongue out, and he's pleasant, alright. Let's just keep naming players so I can avoid noticing that Daniel Murphy is a close-minded dillweed, uh, Bartolo Colon! Ha ha, yes, he's kind of the best.

Not sure if he still does this but when Bartolo won games he'd paint the game balls and give them to team trainers pic.twitter.com/SHyq1oUcaa

— Eireann Dolan (@EireannDolan) October 22, 2015

BARTOLO! What a wonder. What a treasure. Ha ha, just don't look at the rest of the roster.

It would seem that the Mets have advantages in every area except Giants-related pain, which is kind of an important area. This one is up to you. Only you know how to adjust the sliders and come up with your personal rooting preference. I have friends who are Mets fans and friends who are Royals fans, so, ugh, I don't know. I get slightly angrier emails from Royals fans, but they're usually more entertaining. I don't know!

I'll go Royals by a smidgen of a fraction of a hair, if only because YOU SUCK, BENNY AGBAYANI and because the Royals were an absolute joke for decades. There have to be a couple hardy fans we can all appreciate and be happy for, right?

And then I scrolled up and looked at the logos again and, oh man, I'm already reconsidering. Alllllllready reconsidering.