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Barry Bonds, Jeff Kent kept out of Hall of Fame again

Alternate headline: "FORMER GIANTS GREAT RANDY JOHNSON ENSHRINED IN HALL OF FAME"

Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

Not going to lie: I'm writing this on Monday, a full day before the Hall of Fame announcement. But you're reading this because Barry Bonds and Jeff Kent were not voted into the Hall of Fame. While I respect Kent's contributions to the dinger arts and his Ph.D. in Amusing Jackassery, let's whittle this down a bit: Barry Bonds isn't in the Hall of Fame.

Barry Bonds isn't in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

It's like every year waiting for the Guns 'N' Roses Hall of Fame announcement, and every year Slash not getting in. Not the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame. The Guns 'N' Roses Hall of Fame. Atta boy, Duff. Really enjoyed your work. Okay, congratulations, Matt Sorum. Well played. Alright, not sure about your qualifications for this particular Hall, Buckethead, but your overall career was ... is that Tracii Guns? Wait, Shannon Hoon? He was in one ... look, this is getting absurd. Just put Slash in. Put Slash in. It's the Guns 'N' Roses Hall of Fame. Put Slash in.

It's exactly like that. Cool Hall of Fame you've got there, baseball. Does it have all of the best players in it, no, oh, okay, see you next time, thanks.

In addition to Bonds, who got 36.8 percent of the vote, and Kent, who got 14 percent of the vote, former Giants Rich Aurilia and Jason Schmidt also didn't get enough votes for Hall of Fame enshrinement. Neither were expected to, and the only remaining question was if either of them would get a pity/whimsy vote. The crowded ballot worked against them, though, and neither one picked up a single vote. To be very fair, though, both of them have been inducted to the Giants Trade Hall of Fame, which I just invented. They were first ballot.

Bonds, though? Nah. Not a Hall of Famer. He almost certainly took performance-enhancing drugs in an era where a majority of players took performance-enhancing drugs to face pitchers who took performance-enhancing drugs, and he was still a squillion times better than every other player in the league. Without PEDs, he was only 50 times better, sure, and he had already accumulated enough career accomplishments to make the Hall if he retired after the '99 season, but the Hall of Fame is supposed to be a reward for players. It has nothing to do with you. Nothing to do with the history of baseball. It's a reward for players, just like it always was meant to be.

Well, it was meant to be a tourist trap to help a hotel owner recover from the Great Depression. And how! Now, though, it's apparently a reward for players. Good job not embarrassing baseball writers, new inductees! Here's a biscuit.

Congratulations to Pedro Martinez, Craig Biggio, John Smoltz, and former Giants great Randy Johnson, though! Johnson was an all-time marvel. He's also the 55th Giants player to go into the Hall, with Goose Gossage being the last one to make it in. Pedro was the most dominant pitcher I've ever watched, the perfect mix of command and stuff. Biggio was annoying as all hell, which was kind of the point. Smoltz was outstanding, but his best attribute was his ability to give up long, well-timed home runs to Barry Bonds. Who isn't in the Hall.

Barry Bonds isn't in the Hall of Fame, everyone. It's still the Partial Hall of Fame for now, just as it will be next year. Adjust your expectations accordingly.