I'll be honest with you: I'm completely stuffed with tacos. I just ate 12 tacos, as part of #DoLoThroDo14, so my mind is leeched by sodium and I'm having difficulty snappy purpletub. But I'll do my best to give you the recap that YOU deserve.
Oh god too many tacos.
Gary Brown collected his first major league hit, then collected another. For those of us who spent five years convinced that Gary Brown was going to be like Rickey Henderson, but better, this was a neat moment. He's probably never going to be anything more than a fourth or fifth outfielder, but we can still dream.
(While you're dreaming, though, remember those first two weeks of Eugenio Velez. Then remember the rest of Eugenio Velez.)
THE BRANDONS RECAP:
Brandon Crawford continues to be a handsome-ass, clutch-ass hitter. You're welcome, people who got here by googling "Brandon Crawford clutch ass."
Brandon Belt continues to rope RBI doubles and look like the Brandon Belt we all know and love. Let's hope he continues it through the playoff games. Plural. Let's hope people rue the day that Brandon Belt defeated a concussion and returned, wielding a flaming sword to banish the other National League postseason teams to the lake of eternal fire (which is probably in St. Louis somewhere).
Shockingly, Joaquin Arias went 0-for-3. I thought for sure that batting him fifth in the lineup would be the answer. But I'm probably just pining for those halcyon days of "Number Three Hitter Mike Fontenot." Also, I'm filled with tacos.
Even when Jake Peavy isn't great, he still doesn't give up more than one run to the Padres. This is because they are the Padres. (Take notes, rest of the Giants pitching staff besides Tim Lincecum.)
My advice to the Giants: win the last game of the season, then win minimum one more game next week. That's just a guideline, though. To the rest of you: go eat some tacos. (Don't do that.)