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Astros Fire Bo Porter
It looks like Manager Firin' Season just started up, and the first casualty was Bo Porter. Now, I can't tell you anything about his abilities as a manager, but I do know two things:
1. Analysts generally agree that Porter was fired due to a rift that developed between him and Astros GM Jeff Luhnow
2. There are a lot of people who think that Bo Porter is a good-looking man.
Obviously the first question that comes to mind is, Did Porter get fired because Luhnow was jealous of his looks? And let's be honest, none of us are qualified to answer that. But now that the possibility has been thrown out there by a prominent baseball blog, it's out responsibility as fans to assume its veracity and then discuss it. This is How It Works.
Coming soon: The new single season strikeout king
The central notion of this article is that many of the exciting young hitters in baseball today strike out very often, and while that's true, I'm interested in just what Small Sample Size Rookie Theater is supposed to prove. Because there's a table here of projected strikeouts for players like Javier Baez, Junior Lake, and George Springer, and it's so much more authoritative than it should be just by virtue of being a table. Here's how persuasive various forms of communication are:
I just pulled that out of my ass! But for a moment, you trusted that those numbers mattered, didn't you? Do you know why? Because they were in a table.
The Seattle Mariners Are Still A Behind-The-Scenes Shitshow
Maybe you don't remember this, as it was only reported in a few outlets, and even then mostly as a passing mention, but the Giants organization has had some issues with Pablo Sandoval's weight. And as much as you might think poorly of the front office for handling it publically, man, they had nothing on Seattle. Not only did Jack Zduriencik harshly criticize Jesus Montero after he had spent the offseason legitimately working hard, but it's not clear that the Mariners even have any offseason conditioning programs at all. So, considering the recent behavior of the Mariners scout in Boise, maybe we should all take a moment to be thankful we don't root for the Mariners.
And if you do that every day, then hey, take another moment. You've earned it.
It seems so obvious that Coors Field is a Lovecraftian nightmare that it's bizarre that the phrase "Lovecraftian nightmare" hasn't ever been used to refer to it on this site. At least, it hasn't been used since whatever arbitrary date at which the search function starts working. So let's allow valued commenter Lies and Perfidy, also known as Twitter's @liesandperfidy, to narrate a harrowing saga of a team that entered a ballpark, only to find it was a soul-sucking abomination.
I'm disappointed that the bear's not playing tetherball against anyone, but since that would be a Let The Wookie Win-type situation, it's understandable.