Giants lose to Dodgers in unremarkable game

There are no words.

You're here. I'm assuming you're either a Dodgers fan looking to gloat, an impartial observer looking at the wreckage because you can't look away, or a Giants fan hoping for words that will make you feel better. Again, there are no words. That was a dejecting, wretched game. I'm not even going to write about it.

I mean, I would write about it if I had some help.

I can help.

Wow! Tim McCarver! I would be honored if you could help me!

I can give you the prompts of the ideas that I was hoping you would cover, so that you would cover them and use your ideas as the ideas that I had given you.

That's really ... generous. I think. Wait, you were saying that you would help, right?

I would help, insofar as I would be doing nothing more than helping you find the help you had inside of yourself all along, the whole time.

Great, thanks, Tim McCarver. So give me a topic to write about.

In my opinion, that game was as unlike Friday night's game, as any game could possibly be more unlike any other game.

This is very true! Last night's game was a revelation, a shimmering pool of optimism and fan energy. It was a dream start to the series, engaging and thrilling from the very first time the Giants got to bat. Everything went well, everything worked out. It will be a treasured memory for years.

Saturday night's game shaved you. It shaved you and left you a hairless, squeaky mess. You look funny now, all hairless. A splash of rubbing alcohol would make you convulse in pain. Whoops. Got some on you. Whooooops. Got some more on you. Whooooops. Now you're on the floor, sobbing.

One Tim started the game, and another Tim came in to relieve the Tim who couldn't get the job done, only to undo the job that he hoped to have done in the first place.

Good point about the Tims, Tim. Tim Hudson was dreadful, getting his sinker up, but only if it wasn't up higher. He wasn't helped by his defense any -- looking at you, Angel Pagan -- but he was absolutely appalling. It was the shortest outing in Hudson's long, long career. That allowed Tim Lincecum to come into the game, to a standing ovation no less, and he was just as bad, if not worse.

I don't want to get into it here, but I'm starting to worry about Lincecum.

You know what, though? Get the yuks out of the way. Let them pile on. I'll take one of these games over any one of the finishes to the Rockies series from June. Can you imagine, thinking you have the game in hand against the Dodgers in September, only to lose it in the ninth? Lose it in the first 10 minutes, that's what I say.

Excellent work, fellas.

The record set by the Dodgers in the Giants' park, was almost a year ago to the day that the Giants set the record for runs scored, in a game, at the Dodgers' park, from last year, in regards to the runs scored by an opposing team.

Thanks, Tim, that was a fun game. Remember?

It's good to remember just how exciting that was. It's also good to remember just how unimportant it was to the Dodgers' season. They still made the NLCS, and they were just a benevolent god away from the World Series. They weren't thinking about the 19-3 loss to an irrelevant team from a month before.

Mike Kickham has allowed more runs in his 30 career innings as Clayton Kershaw has allowed in his 177 innings this season, which is ironic, considering that Kershaw is scheduled to go against these very Giants tomorrow night, with Mike Kickham in attendance.

That's not ... irony doesn't mean ... whatever, you bring up Kershaw, and he's the elephant in the room. Also, the elephant is eating the peanuts out of your hand before you can put them in your mouth. Also, that's a euphemism for the elephant sleeping with your significant other. There's an elephant in the room, and it's sleeping with your significant other, and it has a crappy elephant beard, and now it's looking at you. Brrrr.

The Giants were embarrassed tonight.

Okay.

Like, really embarrassed.

I know.

You should feel bad.

I KNOW.

The outcome of the Giants loss means less to the overall playoff picture than it otherwise might, by virtue of the wild card that would not have been there otherwise, because in past years, that was not an option.

But I don't wanna think about the Wild Card. I want the Dodgers to leave a game behind the Giants. I want the Giants to overtake the Dodgers in the NL West behind a tidal wave of emotion.

They can still do it. They can beat Kershaw on Sunday

Fooo, that was fun. And unexpected. And completely ridiculous. That was the best pitcher in the world, with an 0-2 advantage, against one of the most strikeout-prone hitters in organized baseball. Dinger. A long, long dinger.

It was the 17-0 loss of wins. Totally unlikely, yet possible. It happened. It shouldn't have happened. There it was, though. All you can do is play the rest of the games and forget about it.

The 17-run loss was something like your nose hairs being lit on fire, one by one, while you watched a Real Housewives of Medford marathon

You can go now, Tim.

This pastrami sandwich in your refrigerator is not unlike the kind of pastrami sandwich that I would make on my own, provided that I would make a pastrami sandwich and put it in the refrigerator before eating it, which seems extraordinarily unlikely. But I will eat it anyway.

YOU CAN GO NOW.

That game sucked.

That game sucked.

That game sucked.