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San Francisco Giants Link Dump, 7/31

Hey little girl, I wanna be your link dump

Excellent bunting, in that Bartolo looks funny while doing it
Excellent bunting, in that Bartolo looks funny while doing it
Mike Stobe

I went to the Giants game yesterday with kdl, and we got upgraded to the Stubhub seats. They are so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend being randomly picked out of section 311 an hour before the game starts so you can sit in a recliner for the next few hours.

Bartolo Colon at bat: A life in images
Bartolo Colon at bats are this nation's greatest accomplishment. We can all be thankful that there is a man out there so committed to bringing us joy that he is willing to look goofy every time he steps to the plate. Life is a richer, more vibrant tapestry when we can watch Bartolo Colon hitting, so all we can do is hope that, should he be traded, it is to another NL team. Otherwise, this is McCovey hitting the ball three feet too low, or Lucy pulling the football away, or Dan Uggla not being released yet.

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The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Rarities
In the annals of Questions I Wish I'd Thought To Ask, we have a new entry: What is more unlikely, a five home run game or a five strikeout inning? The Baseball Prospectus crew concluded that a five strikeout inning is much less likely to happen, but I disagree. I'm pretty sure there have been at least six different innings over the last couple months when the Giants have struck out five times. And yet, they haven't hit one single home run in that span. So you tell me which is more plausible.

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Lost in the Sun: The Physics of Ballpark Orientation
Why are ballparks oriented the direction they are? Well, it's actually in the rulebook that the park should face a certain direction. This part of the rulebook is often completely ignored, just like this link dump is pretty much ignoring the fact that today is the trade deadline. What a ripoff. Who even wrote this thing?

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Ruben Amaro to blame for Phillies’ bad contracts
It's yet another trade deadline where it looks like the Giants won't be trading for Chase Utley, and by golly, that makes me mad enough to link a takedown of Ruben Amaro. For too long, we on the Internet have been kind to Amaro, trusting in his expertise not only in baseball but in life. But after having cruelly been denied Chase Utley for every year in the history of baseball, consecutively, enough is enough. It's time we finally let Amaro taste the wrath of a thousand keyboards.

The wrath tastes like pork rinds.

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The 30 most ridiculous MLB fan tattoos
To be honest, the Giants tattoo in this one was pretty disappointing. The Orioles, Rays, and Cardinals were #blessed with gloriously terrible tattoos, but the Giants . . . well, it's bad. But it isn't, you know, Cubs bad, which is really what I was looking for. I challenge one of you to get a truly hideous Giants tattoo, one much worse than any in this article. Your reward will be having that thing on your body for the rest of your life. Congratulations!