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Dodgers whomp Giants, 8-1

But that one run was a team effort.

Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

There will be bitterness. There will be grumbling. There will be stupid jokes. But before all that, take a moment to think about Hector Sanchez. After taking a foul ball to the mask, the CSN cameras kept tabs on him in the dugout, and he looked beyond uncomfortable before heading into the clubhouse with the trainer.

The Giants have a history of concussions both distant (Mike Matheny) and near (Brandon Belt), and every new one digs a deeper trench in your stomach. Not sure if there is such a thing as a mild concussion, at least not without the benefit of hindsight. Everything about that stupid game pales in comparison to the news that a Giants player had to leave the stupid game because of an injury to his brain. Get better, Hector.

★★★

Now let's talk about that stupid game.

It was quite the historic game. A list of games in Giants history, San Francisco or New York, in which the Giants allowed five triples or more:

Mmm-hmm. Looks good. Yasiel Puig had three triples on his own, which was the most from a Dodger since the 1800s, when baseballs were made from armadillo shells and games were played in abandoned train yards. Every stupid pitch went down the stupid middle of the stupid plate when he was up, and Puig cranked every single one into Mirabelli Manor.

A list of five-bat-flip games in MLB history:

  • Yasiel Puig, 2014 (3 triples, 1 double, 1 fly out)
  • Cody Ross, 2011 (5 K, was just throwing his bat)
  • Finch Tamarind, 1928 (4 singles, 1 double, was permanently disabled by ball thrown at his helmetless head)

Quite the historic game. For good measure, Zack Greinke struck out four batters in an inning, just the 67th time that's ever happened. One of the victims was concussed, so it probably shouldn't count. The last Giant to do it was Jerry Spradlin, whom I haven't thought of in at least 15 years.

Meanwhile, the Dodgers were yukking it up in the dugout. Hanley Ramirez preened for the camera while Yasiel Puig had a serious triples face. A bearded goof brought catcher's gear to someone on the CSN production team after she was winged by a bat. There were just having fun, fun, fun. And you got to watch it all.

Oh, you didn't watch it? You just came here for the recap? Get the hell out. This recap is for hardened veterans of that game. We saw the triples. We saw the triples. There were so many. Just note that the last time the Dodgers defeated the Giants that badly, the Giants won the World Series. Does that reference get old? No. No, I submit that it does not.

★★★

One of the things that most annoys be about the Dodgers is that I like Clayton Kershaw. Seems like a good guy who doesn't take himself too seriously. He's a fiery competitor without being a jackass, and he's supernaturally talented. I so, so, so wish here were Mat Latos, just sneering under the rancid folds of sneer hanging from his face. Instead, he's the worst kind of villain, not even giving you the satisfaction of being awful.

Then there's Zack Greinke. He makes up for everything. He has a spreadsheet on his computer titled wingspulledoffhouseflies.xls, and it's exactly what you think it is. He's the kid who lit a classmate's car on fire after overhearing the cool kids talking about how much they hate that classmate. Here's Hunter Pence without the mirth, the joie de vivre. He forever and always creeps me out.

He's also mighty good at pitching, and I wish the Rangers weren't so stupid and offered him the extra money he was looking for. In the fourth inning, Brandon Crawford was up with two on and one out, and he worked the count 3-2. The payoff pitch wasn't anything Crawford had seen in the at-bat, a slider that hooked over the outside. It was right down the middle, yet a silly, unhittable pitch at the same time. How do you not assume it's a fastball seven inches off the plate?

Resolution: The most annoying pitchers in baseball, ranked

  1. Mat Latos
  2. Zack Greinke
  3. Bronson Arroyo
  4. Odrisamer Despaigne (sleeper pick, but just wait)
  5. Ricky Nolasco

Don't sleep on Greinke's ability to climb the charts. If he doesn't opt out, he's with the Dodgers for yeaaaaaaarrrrrrs.

★★★

It's time to talk about the first truly putrid Tim Lincecum start in a while. I hope everyone got to read the wonderful Ben Lindbergh piece on Tim Lincecum over at Grantland. At the bottom is his twitter handle. Send him tweets about him being a jinxing ass. That'll learn him.

In that article, there's all sorts of data that suggest Lincecum really is turning a corner with his command, that he's becoming more of a pitcher than a thrower. I want to believe. I still believe. Kind of.

On Friday night, we saw the old Lincecum, the one who left far, far too many pitches in the middle of the strike zone. The one who didn't have enough gas to make hitters think of anything else besides a pitch in the middle of the strike zone. It doesn't have to mean anything but a stray start in a string of good ones. But there it was, his first lousy start since June 3.

I'll take seven weeks between lousy Lincecum starts, to be honest. Just try to skip the Dodgers, dammit.

★★★

At least that game was three-and-a-half hours.

★★★

Clayton Kershaw tomorrow! Clayton Kershaw tomorrow. 6:05. Clayton Kershaw. Everyone get excited for the game. Clayton Kershaw's pitching tomorrow. Set your DVRs.