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San Francisco Giants Link Dump, 7/21

Human sacrifice, links and dumps living together – mass hysteria!

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Any excuse
Any excuse
Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

Good morning! Did you have a good weekend? Wait, don't say your answer out loud. I am typing these words and am almost certainly not in your physical location, so I won't be able to hear you.

Our Very Own Triple-A All-Star Teams
A lot of former Giants greats are on this list from Cespedes Family BBQ. One team has a lineup featuring Andres Torres, Emmanuel Burriss, and Ronny Paulino. The other counters with Eli Whiteside, Eugenio Velez, and Brett Tomko. Other notable ex-Giants in this fictional All-Star Game based entirely on name recognition and "derp factor" include Brad Penny, Mike Fontenot, and Jason Marquis. You might say that Marquis doesn't qualify just because he was technically "never in the organization," but everyone on this site assumed Sabean would sign him at least four times, so he counts.

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Why aren't Dodgers great? Look to the stars
Before the season started, the Dodgers were terrifying, with an unstoppable rotation, a lineup filled with All-Stars, and a payroll of Scrooge McDuck's Vault. But here they are, percentage points behind the Giants, who spent a month playing like the '62 Mets without the talent. And why? Because their most expensive mortal players (Scientists believe Kershaw is some kind of Norse demigod) have been massively disappointing. I don't think it's too much to expect that this trend will continue forever. C'mon, baseball. Just give me this ONE THING and also more World Series wins for the Giants. Just give me these TWO THINGS.

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Wake up, Oakland
It's possible you're aware of the little-reported issues that Oakland is having regarding building a new stadium for the A's. If not, here's a refresher on the history of Lew Wolff trying to move the team, and the unreasonable wishlist that the City of Oakland has to build that new arena in town. I, for one, think their stipulation of "This ballpark must end police corruption" is too far-fetched, though it's nice the city's trying to solve the problem.

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The best quarterbacks of the 1980s, according to rap lyrics
It seems clear that the best way to measure quarterback greatness is through pop culture statistics. Montana gets the '80s, as we see here, Marino gets the '90s, because he co-starred in the greatest number of Ace Ventura movies, and Peyton Manning won the notcallingthemtheoughts, because he had the best SNL sketch. As a 49ers fan, it makes me sad that this decade's category is Number Of Times He Is Implicitly Referred To As One Of The Good Ones By The Sports Media, because Kaepernick has too many tattoos.

Meanwhile, the Raiders' quarterback is palpably excited about his new situation.

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Players considering banning chewing tobacco
We're all aware of the role chewing tobacco played in Tony Gwynn's death last month, and now it's starting to look more and more likely that the players' association is starting to take it more seriously. Of course, nothing's guaranteed, and it could all be platitudes, but I prefer to think that there will be a positive change, because I have to use my optimism somewhere, and I'm on McCovey Chronicles, so it sure won't be on the Giants.